An Open Letter To The Guy That Took Me For Granted

The day I met you was when it all began. Not a friendship, of course. I don't think you're even capable of being a real friend. It was this out of control love triangle you had going on. The day I met you, you took advantage of my kindness. I was innocent compared to you, even though you were slightly younger. I had always been a good girl. The day I met you, I was already in a dark place. I had been through a lot that year. You were my first real kiss, and you made me feel special. A few weeks later I was falling. You had no intentions of catching me. You apparently had a girlfriend, but you continuously lied about her. "She's crazy." "She just thinks we are together." A couple of days later I met her, and she confirmed you had been with her for a couple of weeks before that. That day I had to watch you be with her. I didn't tell her anything, because I was sparing the friendship I thought we had. Then we stopped talking. About a year later y'all broke up, and you made your way back into my life. Of course I didn't expect much from it. You kept trying to have sex with me, and I kept denying. Just like I kept denying that somewhere between all the heartache you caused me in the year and a half we had known each other that I had fallen in love with you, or at least the person I made myself think you were. One night you were at my house, and again you were trying to get me in bed. I denied you. For the next few days I thought hard about my decision I was bound to make. I decided that I would sleep with you. I told myself that I was in love with you. I told myself that it wouldn't hurt as bad as everybody said it would. I told myself that no matter what happened after we would always be friends, because that's what I thought we were. I told you my thoughts, and you promised you were going no where. So we planned for you to come over the next day, and it happened. For a couple of days I was okay. But I didn't get a call. I didn't get a text. You gave me nothing. I'm not fully blaming you, because I made that decision knowing you weren't always truthful. I'm blaming both of us. You took advantage of my soft heart. You knew I would hold on to every word you said. You knew I loved you and you used that to get what you wanted. Eventually we slept together again. And again. And it became just a booty call for you. I pretended to be okay with it, because I wanted to be around you. Now, you found a new girl. You're not faithful to her, yet I still sit here and try to justify your actions at times. I guess that makes me crazy. I have just few things left to say to you. You hurt me deeper than I've ever been hurt before. I spent more time in my room crying over you in the past two years than I have spent smiling. I would've walked to the end of the earth for you. I probably would've taken a bullet for you. Today that ends. This was a very hard decision to make. I do love you, but you don't deserve it. I won't be here when you need somebody anymore. I won't be here to give you money I can't afford to go without. I won't be here worried about you, and if you've made it home alive after being out with your hoodrat friends. I won't be here waiting on a text or call every few weeks. I've prayed for you every night. Ive asked God to guide you in the right direction. Ive asked him to help you to be a successful man, and still hope he does. I hope one day you can change. But you've made it clear that that isn't going to happen any time soon. I hope one day we can look back on this situation. I hope I run into you in five years and you can tell me all about how great your life turned out. As for me, I'm done waiting. I've waited long enough. I'm on the road to healing myself, and worrying about my happiness instead of yours. I do wish you the best of luck in life.