Dear suicide, you almost had me during my darkest hour. You almost engulfed me into your arms. It pains me to think that you almost won me over. The hours of hopelessness, sadness and anger were all around to your satisfaction. As the hours ticked on you began to make your move. Through my vulnerability I fell into your abyss of darkness. Once I had fallen into your gloom I knew what I had to do. The bottle of pills and the letters for those I would be leaving behind now stared at me on my kitchen table.
Time seemed to stand still. I started to feel as if the room was shrinking and I was becoming overwhelmed. I felt as if I were watching myself from outside of my body. There seemed to be no way out and my thoughts began to become cloudy. I’m not sure if it was from the overdose or from the sheer fact that I had done so much overthinking that I could no longer think anymore. The banging on the door still rings in my head. The flashlights flashing in my eyes and the paramedic asking me if I could respond to her ongoing questions?
My words slurred and the drowsiness began to take overcome me. The ambulance was cold and hostel but the questions from the paramedics had never ceased. They continued to be ongoing and at this point I was thinking why she wouldn’t allow me to just let go. At that moment in time I knew that, you, Suicide wouldn’t win me over. Suicide your power was strong but I found the light and I now I see what it really means to want to live. Thank you Suicide for showing me who is really there for me when I need them the most.
Thank you Suicide for allowing me to appreciate where I have come from. Thank you Suicide for giving me a second chance to reinvent myself and giving me the ability to find myself again. & thank you Suicide for not taking my life and giving me a second chance to live to the absolute fullest.
