Thank you for being you.
Thank you for listening to me when no one else truly does. Sure other people listen, but they do not absorb like you do. Thank you for allowing me to talk about whatever is ailing me, without getting frustrated, and encouraging me to talk about anything and everything. Thank you for pushing me to continue to come when I have wanted nothing more than to give up on myself and die. Thank you for trying to truly help me, and believing in me when, even I, cannot believe in myself. Thank you for helping me understand that there are people out there who do actually want what's best for me. It's not something I am used to, so thank you for letting me lean on you when I have no one else.
But I am sorry.
I am sorry that sometimes I clam up, and I cannot say exactly what I want, or what you want me to. I'm sorry if I say things that sometimes scare you, but you must understand, my thoughts scare me too. I'm sorry I am not always able to see exactly what is in front of me. I'm sorry when it seems as though I am not making any real progress. I'm sorry for regressing further into my mind, it is my defense and where I feel safe. I'm sorry for the times that I seem like I want to make a change, then do the total opposite and completely screw it up. I'm honestly fucking terrified of letting you in, and allowing you to see the real me and to help me fully. I'm truly just so scared, and I am sorry.
So please, don't get frustrated with me, I'm a work in progress, let me work it out tiny bit by tiny bit.
Too much too fast scares me, just going over small things really make a difference.
I understand there should be more I should be saying and doing, but working it out slowly feels safer for me.
You will never know how much of a difference you are making in my life, and I will likely never tell you.
But please don't give up on me, if you do then I promise I will too.
I don't feel worthy of your concern, I feel as though I deserve every bad feeling I have, and all of the bad treatment I've received.
But I am truly trying to understand it can, and should, be different.
Thank you for being the best woman ever, and for being there when everyone else who promised they would be wasn't.
I don't know where I would be, or if I would even be alive, without you.
Thank you.
