To my husband's ex wife

This letter is to make you aware of all the things you have done unto my family, unto the father of your children and most importantly to your children. You will NEVER as in NEVER fathom the extent of damage your actions has caused us all. Your devious plans, your emotional abuse and potty mouth has caused irreparable damage to us as a couple (yes we are a married couple now, because I married the father of your kids because you didn’t want to be married to him anymore – YOU left him for another, just be reminded of that please). I on the other hand can also not fathom or wrap my mind around a few things you have said and done, I will list them for you and in some cases try to carefully indicate why I am struggling to understand, so here goes: 1. My husband, your ex husband and father to your four beautiful children, spoiled you (but I guess also only because you had brainwashed him) to not have to work a day in your life but rather tend to your children at home and I say this also because you had stated time and time again that you would not go out and work in support of your children as “being a mother is a full time job in itself” and I do get that, but sweetie, lots of moms work 2. You sit there in your self made palace as the queen bee and poison your workers (the children and your new husband, not to mention your parents) with lies that a father does not care for his children, that he does not contribute to ANYTHING whatsoever, you know that is not true! You claim that your “slave” (the new husband) whom you by the way also tried to force the children to call him dad, provides better for your children, well again sweetie, all this was your choice, to ruin the marriage you had and move in with another man before you were divorced……might I add with the children whom then only met the new man in your life………. Gee wiz how traumatising must that not have been for those poor children. 3. You expect us, and I mean US because when suing for more maintenance every now and again you state “get the money from your wife if you have to, I am entitled to it” to pay full school fees for four children (but actually you mean for the 5th you had with your new husband also), monthly maintenance, full medical aid, clothes and whatever else you wish or so untimingly drop on us with messages that if we don’t we will just see what happens…….low and behold then we get court orders for more maintenance (like in yearly or at most twice a year, really? What are you thinking?) Again, sweetie, no disrespect but you should have thought about funding for all these children before you conceived them or wrecked their lives by leaving their father – where you had it all, could still have it all and would be debt free. 4. Did you know that because of you leaving him, the emotional state he was in, your threats and nagging for him to be the best father who had just been robbed of a life with his children, that sweetie is the reason he is in the worst financial crap ever, he paid you way too much money for things or items you lied to him about, you manipulated him so much that he hadn’t paid mortgage for months on end until the bank wanted to repo the house, he was behind in school fees and other debt he made for you because you insisted on having a vehicle to transport the children when you left, again I get that, but that was your bad choice, so be grateful instead of pointing fingers about how useless of a father he is, he gave you everything you wanted and you just keep taking advantage of it, milking and milking……there’s nothing left sweetie. Lastly on this point, just for the record, I met him with all this debt crap so please stop telling your children that I am the reason he is behind in school fees, full of debt and doesn’t contribute towards them. I have lost many of my own thing and financial freedom because of you and the “MUST” maintenance of your family, your children. Remember that I am a divorced mother myself, I also get maintenance for my child, worst part is that I use his money intended for MY child to help sustain YOURS or sometimes to feed us, we live and eat like the poorest while you and your family feast every day of your lives. Fair? I think not, but you would not understand anything about fairness, you refuse to do so. 5. How dare you tell your children that they may not like me, may not speak to me? Do you know how difficult you have made my life, my marriage? Do you know that I feel like a visitor in my own home when your children visit (when they are allowed also – but we will get to that) because they have no respect for me, thanks to you, that because of you my husband and I cannot see eye to eye about your children because he is too emotionally broken to even try and see their mistakes or reprimand them if necessary, yet he can talk to my child just as he pleases. Fair? Again, not a chance. Why? Because he never sees them and longs for them and when they do visit feels too bad to be the daddy that reprimands. He misses out on their upbringing and therefore does not see the hurt, wrecked vengeful children that you have created. Actually you would be surprised at the fact that I feel like a babysitter when your children visit, why? Their dad works! Yes, believe it or not, he works to pay you, so sweetie, guess what? Say they visit for two weeks, it’s me they spend most their time with, he works, I baby sit them every day until he gets home and only spend it the region of maybe 4 hours a night with them, or should I say the little ones, because the older ones needs to be begged to just sit and communicate with him. I hope you starting to get the picture. 6. You have now stopped all contact between father and children, although you get paid maintenance every month, sweetie he is behind on school fees and there is no medical aid, would you like to know why? The funds have run dry, the debt is too much, we cannot do it all anymore, actually couldn’t from the start. There isn’t even money for maintenance but we make sure you get that every month. You’ve stopped contact because of school fees and no medical aid, did you know you could take your children to a clinic where services are free, of course you did, you just refuse to do so and use it as an excuse to come between father and children. Did you know it’s illegal to stop contact? If you didn’t so be it. 7. Basically you have ruined my marriage too, sometimes I feel like running away because I feel that this was not what I signed up for, we fight over money, over the children (because I am misunderstood), over you (because I feel he speaks to you in a better tone than me and I’m not the one who caused so much grief in his life or that I’m not the one wrecking lives with demands and threats). Sometimes I feel that the blow of every fist to my face and head in my previous relationship was not as bad as the YOU as the centre piece in my life (because I made you it through my emotions) I have to deal with. Do you not get what stresses you help put in our marriage? We are depressed, mostly me, because I don’t hide it anymore like my husband, but most worrying thing is……..have you not noticed that your children are depressed too, have you not noticed what your choices, actions, demands, threats, emotional blackmail are doing to your children? You make everyone feel like they have to feel like you do, say as you do, feel your pain of your bad choices because you can’t cope maybe with the idea/thought that you made a mistake. How can you tell a child he is not allowed to miss or love his father? I am not going to mention all the things you have said to the children to emotionally blackmail or hurt them but know this, you are not doing a very good job at bringing up responsible emotionally strong children and here all the time I thought you said you were a good mom and being a mother is a job – sweetie, your not doing a good job. I can rant and rave for weeks on end if I could but just writing thus far has me depressed all over, maybe I will continue another day, but for now all I can do is still hope and pray that somehow you wake up and realise that you are hurting your children most of all – but be warned, children do grow up and maybe the truth now will be better for them than one day they realise the truth for themselves and you are left with a very rude awakening about the choices you made thus far.