I don't really know you, just as you don't know me. We are barely acquainted and I've never spoken a word to you, let alone one that was unkind. So when you spread it around to your friends on the football team that, I, his girlfriend, who held his hand and talked endlessly about our dreams with, was the reason he killed himself. I always pushed him
To put himself first and open up, but he just wouldn't budge. If you actually knew him like you claim to, you'd know he was always happy and seemed carefree. It appears you are ignorant and uneducated. So let me school you on a subject that has become so grossly familiar to me; suicide. After being put on countless medications, sedatives, attending many therapy sessions, meeting several grief counselors, and being forced to read books written by distanced medical professionals, I can tell you no one commits suicide for just one reason. Over 90% of people who take their own lives have an underlying mental illness. I want you to know, this grief has been a process to overcome. He died two days before my fifteenth birthday, I was so distraught I don't even remember that entire week. And you don't think I sometimes blamed myself too? I did. I sat through a long, impersonal, open casket funeral service listening to a pastor preach about a God that I didn't even believe in anymore. I thought, "How could "God" let this happen? I did blame myself for a while. I wake up with this burden everyday. You stripped of me my right to humanly respect when you said, "it's your fault he killed himself," no one deserves to hear that. No one. I've spent so much time to build my life back up, but you use such a cruel thing to break it all back down. You denied me closure by taking the peace I made with myself, and his death, away from me. You should be disgusted and ashamed. It's incredibly selfish. You say you know him, but if you did, you would never say such a thoughtless thing. If you knew him you'd know he was in trouble because he was caught smoking weed, his parents were enraged, and are faithful Christians. He was never as book smart as his two older brothers, and he really struggled with school work. He probably had so much more going on but he never confided. I loved him because despite his problems he was so kind, bright, and gentle. I'm not asking for an apology, because you won't mean it. You are seventeen, and a year older than I am, I should not have to tell you actions have consequences. All I'm asking is you think really hard about your comments before you open your mouth to hurt someone next time.
