Dear Umadevi Dassaye,
You didn't give me enough credit. I put you on a pedestal; I praised you for everything you did right, and even when you did wrong, I still thought you were the greatest.
You see, I know what it's like to appreciate what is in front of me. I have loved, and I have lost. And when I found you and got to know what was deep down inside you, I began to fall for that. But that's not who you were. That's the person you wanted to be.
You wear a mask every day. You put on a big show for everyone around you. Well done! You have them convinced. But me? Not so much. I challenged you to really think about the person you wanted to be. The person you don't show to others. And for a while, you were that person for me. I got your best. And it was wonderful.
But when you were done putting in the effort to treat me with respect and love, it went downhill. When you stopped cherishing the time spent and the deep conversations shared, you resented me. You resented how I made you think further than your comfort zone. You resented how much time of yours I took. You resented the effort it took to be a better person for me. You resented my emotional nature and the huge heart God blessed me with. And it was hurtful.
But that's what I love about myself. I am not easily won over, or impressed. I don't want to settle for mediocre or half your best, I want rawness and wholeness. I want vulnerability. I want someone who isn't afraid to shout the way they feel about me. I want someone who is able to recognize I am a prize. I want someone to appreciate that I have opinions and I am a free thinking individual. I want someone to reciprocate the neverending love I have to give.
I am not a brainless individual. I am an intelligent being, with opinions and thoughts on the world around me. I am a loving and giving person. Always accepting, always patient, always generous. My love is rare. Mostly because I love without conditions. And you won't find that just anywhere.
My emotions were never yours to toy with. I trusted that you would take good care of me. I gave you some of the most precious pieces of me, but you played me for a fool. You left me unsatisfied with a broken heart and nothing to show for the time we spent together.
But I have come to terms with the truth. What I had to offer was much too great for what you were willing to give back. You were not ready for what I was able to provide for you. It frightened you. I wanted to grow with you. I wanted to learn with you. I wanted to build you up, pamper you, shower you in love. But then again, you showed me you weren't worthy. I had to pull myself up from my boot-straps, and move on.
I know, now, that what I have to offer is for someone who realizes just how spectacular I really am. And that was never you.
