An Open Letter to Those Who Use the Word Retarded:
There are so many vulgar and disrespectful words we hear on a daily basis, but the one that resonates with me most has been clear for quite some time now. There is absolutely no place in our society for the word “retarded” and I would love nothing more than to tell you why.
I'll be honest, I haven't always been offended by the use of retarded or even known what the word meant, for that matter. Growing up, I'm sure it was thrown around a lot more than I even realized. Although it has never been a significant part of my vocabulary, I can remember hearing some of my classmates in middle school refer to the short bus as the "Retard Rocket" and not thinking anything of it. I can even recall some friends and I citing a line from The Hangover when Alan (Zach Galifianakis) butchers the pronunciation of the word in a seemingly humorous way. During those times, I had no idea what the r-word really meant. I had no idea how much weight it carried. I had no idea what it embodied and how severe its implications were to so many of the people that I know and love dearly today.
I know that many people don’t purposely use the r-word in a derogatory manner or mean to hurt anyone, but the ignorant misuse of the word takes care of the latter. Using the r-word not only disrespects a large (and growing) population of individuals with disabilities, but it insults their families, friends, and the many others who care about them. Whether or not you personally know someone with a disability, I think we can all agree that as human beings, no demographic deserves to be slighted on such a large scale with a single word or phrase.
PLEASE NOTE: You are not “retarded” if you forget something or make a silly mistake. You are not retarded if you’re in a state of confusion or misunderstand something your friend said. You are not retarded if you’re drunk or under the influence and can’t see straight. You are not retarded if you botch an assignment or bomb a test. And just because you think something is dumb, stupid, or ridiculous certainly DOES NOT make that thing retarded. There are so many other words (like the three I just mentioned) to describe these situations, so why misuse a word that deeply hurts and disrespects so many of the people I care about?
Sure, people with disabilities may act, communicate, behave, and go about things in a whole different manner than many of us, but they are still PEOPLE first and foremost; and the use of the r-word shows blatant disrespect of that. When you say that word, you unknowingly refer to all my friends and loved ones as lesser beings. You refer to them as dumb, stupid, and ridiculous. You cut them down with a label that has been slapped on them and people like them throughout history. You diminish all of their passions, interests, strengths, and accomplishments with one simple word. And worst of all, you hurt them. Without hesitation, you insult their intelligence, their character, their relationships, their quality of life—all because you couldn’t come up with a better way to describe a situation or something you didn’t like. So please, think before you speak. Pick up a thesaurus. Use a different word.
Dictionary.com defines retarded as someone "characterized by a slowness or limitation in intellectual understanding and awareness, emotional development, academic progress, etc." I'll tell you what—you can characterize someone all you want by how "slow" they are or how their social, emotional, and academic skills may not be as developed as their peers; but the absolute last thing that people with disabilities are is limited.
I’ve worked alongside individuals with all sorts of disabilities and not one of those experiences has ever come short of inspiring and teaching me how to be the best person and friend I can be. I’ve learned that their overwhelming compassion, kindness, and capacity for love extend so much further than any other group I’ve come across. I've learned that each and every individual has their own strengths and talents, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem to others. I've learned that despite all the hardships, discrimination and other obstacles they face on a daily basis, these individuals never seem to stop smiling. They approach each day with a newfound optimism and, no matter the context, carry a positive outlook and demeanor that continuously lifts others up. These individuals bring out the best in people, and I’m so thankful I’ve had the opportunities to let them bring out the best in me.
I’m not asking that you go out and befriend someone with a disability (although I strongly encourage you to do so). I’m not asking you to show mercy or feel bad for people with disabilities, because you shouldn’t. I’m not even asking that you share this with others; all I’m asking is that you muster up the smallest ounce of humility and show your fellow human some respect. That’s the r-word we all need to become a little more familiar with.
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Dylan Kissack
University of Kentucky
Spread the Word to End the Word: Visit www.r-word.org to pledge your effort and support to the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word in everyday speech.
