Dear Twinsy,
I should start by saying that over the 8+ years I've gotten to know & love you that you have been the security blanket to my very soul & every extra moment I've had over the years has been devoted to our love & mutual development & sharing our cosmic mysterious side, which is a mirror God has put before us to look deep inside of each other.
So when I thought the time came for us to truly be together, I looked forward to this with great anticipation. Not for myself but also for you because over the years we have maintained a very profound closeness & understanding of each other & spoken a language between our souls that made sense to us & us alone. We love each other so much that a whole other world was created by our minds & mutual affection for that love to be sustained and expressed.
I have seen you propose to me on several occasions & I don't want you to misinterpret my hesitation as refusal because I know I have been married to you in my heart & bound to you at my soul for many many years. I can look back now & I know falling in love with you was the happiest time of my whole life and recently I've ever watched us get to recreate that together.
I don't want you to have to live a lie or lie to others the rest of your life. I don't want that because I've seen the best in you & I know you are a better man than that & I've felt for some time that if I love you, encouraging you to be truthful at all times is what's best for your soul.
You've surrounded yourself with some shady choices who don't comprehend the importance of being earnest & honest. My whole life is in limbo now, partially because you didn't just trust our relationship enough to walk away from some really putrid conversations that aren't reflective of the sweet sensitive & gentle man I know you to be. I don't want that to strain us any longer or add harshness as it has when I feel I have to defend myself anytime I'm attacked.
Neither you nor I have any control over it we are like this honey & we can't allow the outside world to punish us for it or talk us out of our own dreams. We have made way too much progress, I thought we had anyway. You did the right thing proposing to me and trying to move on with your life & I still want to help you do that. You really deserve better than to be lied to and cheated on & I hope you understand the culmination of my anger was knowing someone you invested so much time & energy in, was lying to you about some very serious things from day one, just to worm into your life & reap the benefits of it.
When I first got to know you, that was none of my business...but as I fell in love with you, it became harder & harder for me to watch you be turned into some kind of petting zoo for vain profit. That broke my heart for you a long time before I got upset with you & said some fucked up things to hurt you & try to drive you away, for my own protection if nothing else.
I hope we can still get married because you're still the reason my soul glows in the dark & the reason I go to sleep at night & never want to wake up because I never want to leave what we are when we're together. I know I make some weird ass jokes to cope with the situation as it is now, but you're the only person who understands my dark sense of humor that I can act out with in perverted ways, so I don't think I have to explain that to you.
I'm sure you've figured out that I'm an intensely private person & the times I've shied away is equally out of mindfulness of your secrecy...in that our lucid domain is the last corner of privacy you have left that nobody can take a picture of and exploit to try to emotionally blackmail you. I've seen that happen to you, unable to cope, withdrawing further into our good life together to avoid dealing with it. I want you to know there's shit, people, & circumstances in my life that I've dodged too & counted on you to ease my stress of that. I just hope no matter what anyone says, that you'll promise me you'll still trust that element of our relationship. My soul is married to you & only you & that's why you hear me thinking of our love when I alone alone because my heart is loyal to you & everything that's happened between us, regardless of who believes in our night time romance novel we've kept writing together over however many lifetimes we keep bumping into each other.
I love you more than the law allows!!!
