You were the one who I was supposed to be in my baby pictures. You know the one; that picture where the mother and father are holding their beautiful baby, gushing over how beautiful she is. I didn't get that. Instead I have the pictures of you holding my brothers and sisters.
You were supposed to be the one supporting my mother. I didn't get that. Instead I watched my mother struggle just to provide for her family. I watched her have to depend on everyone else because YOU chose to walk away. YOU were supposed to be the one helping her change diapers, feeding me during the times she was too exhausted to function, helping her with every day life. No, you were out there living life without a care in the world.
You were supposed to make sure I had everything that I needed and that the family stayed together. I didn't get that. Instead I was put in foster care and lived with people I didn't know. People who became the family that I didn't have all because YOU walked away.
You were supposed to teach me how a man should treat a women. I didn't get that. Instead I have visions of every man walking away. If my own father didn't love me enough to stay, what makes me think any other man will. If my own blood didn't want me, why would anyone else?
You were supposed to be the one telling me I was beautiful on the days where I felt ugly. I didn't get that. I got 22 years of hating myself and wondering how my life would be different if you would have stayed. Every day I spend questioning why you chose to walk away when I was born? Why didn't you come back? How could you not love your children enough to stay?
You were supposed to be the one showing me how a man should treat me by setting a beautiful example. Not only with the love you showed me, but the love you showed my mother. I didn't get that. I got the countless stories of how you did my mother wrong. With me sitting here heartbroken and wondering if I'll be treated like that one day too.
You were supposed to be the one who took pictures of me on prom night. I didn't get that. Instead I took pictures with my beautiful adoptive family. With a father who did the job YOU were supposed to be doing.
You were supposed to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I won't get that though. Instead I'll walk down with my brother or step-father. Men that step up and do things that YOU were supposed to do. I won't get the beautiful father daughter dance with the music talking about me growing up and how you've always been there for me or the songs talking about how hard it is to let your little girl go, because it wasn't hard for you was it? You could let me go before I was born.
I shouldn't be sitting here trying to figure out what went wrong. I shouldn't be sitting here wondering how my life would be different if I had a chance to spend time with my father. I shouldn't question every single man that walks into my life because of the horrible example YOU set. I shouldn't have trust issues. So, don't come back now. Don't act like the past 22 years was just some big mistake because honestly you'd hurt me more now than if you would have just left me alone forever. I know I will never get the answers I'm looking for, because I don't think you even know why you couldn't stick around. My mother has these songs that remind her of when we were born. You want to know what mine is?? Walk-away Joe. Thank you for that. Thank you so much for being the man that walked away from his entire family all because he didn't want to deal with the responsibility. I didn't ask to be born. I did nothing wrong.You should have stepped up when I needed you. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.
