Dear HEB,
First let me say, that I have been a big fan of your grocery store since I first moved to Austin back in 1986. That’s a lot of years of me singing your praises, HEB. So, as a fan, let me express my extreme disappointment in this product.
My first reaction, as a woman, was that I enjoy all of the nuts in this mix. Did nature not intend for me to eat these nuts? Or, is it that this particular blend of nuts should be exclusively marketed towards men because its benefits only apply to them. If that’s the case, is there no blend of nuts that are exclusively beneficial for women? No Womanly Mix? Is it the colloquial use of the term “nuts” that excludes us from having our own mix?
Then, I thought to myself, perhaps I will gain some “manly” benefits by eating your “Manly Blend” of nuts – your man nuts, if you will.
I am sorry to report that after consuming an entire package of your masculine blend of nuts, I have experienced none of the manly benefits that one might expect. I provide you with just a sample of the benefits or privilege I failed to experience after eating your “Manly Blend”.
While out after dark, I felt no safer. I did not feel any less inclined to keep constant vigilance over noises and other humans I came across lest I became the first victim of a new neighborhood serial rapist.
Magazines at HEB have not stopped telling me how to better please my man or that I am not attractive/sexy/thin/svelte/homemaker-y enough and must follow 5 ____ Tips to ________.
I don’t feel like I’m more likely to make more money than my coworkers of the opposite sex. Is that because they’re mostly men? If they eat your manly blend, does that mean I have to consume twice as much to stay even with them? At the very least, you would think that I should have felt less concerned that I were making less than males doing similar work in my field. I’m sorry to report that that was not the case.
I remain resentful of the ubiquitous “male gaze” in advertisements or TV shows or movies. Should I be expecting, perhaps, a “female gaze” as a woman eating “Manly Blend”? I’m not entirely sure how that might be affected by the consumption of your nuts and clarification on this point would be very helpful. Should I expect more “male gaze” even though that has a negative impact on me or less “male gaze” despite the fact your blend is for men and, I’m assuming, more manly things should be happening.
I continue to be the default parent. I know that there are not just a few men who are the default parent, but I think we can all agree, historically, this has been assigned to the one with the uterus and overwhelmingly continues to be the one with the uterus. I would like this not to be the case, particularly on weekend mornings. Please let me know how many bags of “Manly Blend” nuts I need to consume before this might happen. Mama wants to sleep in.
When walking down the street, I don’t feel any less inclined to “put on my bitch face.” [trigger warning: street harassment]
You see where I’m going with this, right, HEB? What it comes down to is that I, as a female customer, am pretty unhappy that you’ve created my favorite blend but then marketed them in a way that feels exclusionary to me. Perhaps your marketing department lacked imagination or inspiration by the time this particular blend meandered across their desk. If that is the case, let me offer some suggestions for the renaming:
Best Blend (because it is)
Bold Blend (notice it’s not specific to any particular gender)
Super Blend
Strong Heart Blend
Adventure Blend (because when is it not an adventure with Pistachios?)
Nutty Nuts
Nutty Mix
Patriarchy Crushing Blend (too much?)
Maya’s Blend (I’m even willing to offer up my name, even if it may not be considered very “manly”)
I look forward to your response and hopefully a name change of my favorite blend of your nuts. Because currently, given the terrible lack of “manly” benefits, I’m #Notbuyingit.
Sincerely,
Maya Pilgrim
