There’s always that one, you think he is the one, there is no one else like him, nor will there ever be. He is the one that I want right now, and for the rest of my life.
We will get married, and start a family together. He is the one that makes me happy, the one that makes me feel like everything will be okay, and the one that can always comfort me, no matter what the circumstance is. He’s the one you meet in the summer when you’re a sophomore and he’s a senior, about to move even farther away. Long distance doesn’t work at this age, no matter how bad you want it; believe me, because one always wants it way more than the other.
He plays with your mind and heart, you put up with his games because you think there isn’t anyone else you’ll ever meet that’s like him.
All of a sudden everything stops, you don’t get a “good morning beautiful” text, you don’t get your daily check-ins throughout the day, and you can kiss him goodbye, just like the calls at the end of the night. You never knew last night would be the last time you would hear his voice, you never knew the morning before was your last “good morning” text, and those check-ins throughout the day, they’re long gone now.
He moved on, started a new life, and you weren’t any part of it. You wonder what happened, reread the messages, think about the late night calls, the adventures in the middle of the night, everything. You think about everything, and can’t come to terms with what happened, continually asking yourself, “What did I do wrong?” “Did I say something?” “Did I do something?” you ask and ask, think, and think, and you have no idea what happened, you want to wish him the best and want him to be happy, but it’s hard to do such thing when inside you’re feeling just the opposite. Months pass, nothing has been said, you blame everything on yourself, thinking you had something good for once, and now it’s gone, he’s gone. Months and months later, you finally get over him, and there’s that text you had been waiting for, wishing it would’ve came sooner, you open the text, it’s not what you expect, you wanted an apology, wanted something sincere, wanted him back more than anything in the world. It was a simple, meaningless text; immediately, you break inside, the feeling of devastation comes rushing right back, like it had never left.
You try to hold yourself together, and play it cool, you want everything to be okay, so you act like the text didn’t bother you. While he’s been with girl after girl, you’ve been sitting there, patiently waiting for him. You still think that there is no one else like him, acting like the way he treated you was perfectly fine, when in reality, it was nowhere near acceptable. Again, months later, you move on and there another text is, this time, being flirty like he wants you back. You immediately jump back into it without guarding your heart, because you don’t think what the future will hold. He will soon do just as he did last time, and break your heart.
You catch up for a while, talk about the past and what happened, he tells you he wants you back, and it will never happen again, what he did will never happen again. Obviously you believe him, all you wanted the whole time was to have him back, right? One day, it’s back to how it was right before you lost him the first time, you feel yourself losing him, and there’s nothing you can do about it; you don’t even put up a fight because you know it won’t help. He leaves you, you thought it wouldn’t happen again, there’s no way he would break my heart twice, he promised me. It takes months to get over him, but you still think about him every day; deep down, you know you will never be over him. He was the one the only one. You were going to meet up with him in college, continue your life together, get married, start a family, but he moved on, again. You’re no longer part of his life, again.
You still sit thinking about him when you know you haven’t crossed his mind, not even once. Everyone says you deserve better, but you don’t want better; you want him, and he doesn’t want you. Facing this is hard. You can’t do it alone, but you can’t tell anyone because you can’t show how you truly feel. One day, there will be a gut placed in your life. One that will treat you right, love, cherish, and make memories with you. You must be patient on this journey, you have to wait it out to find who your true love is, because I promise you, there is one.
This is my first open letter, I know it is a bit rough, but I enjoyed writing It and getting my feelings out :)
