I know how intoxicating it is, the way he looks at you like you’re the only girl in the world. Your self-esteem skyrockets as he worships the ground you walk on. You know that you’re out of his league, but his charm and the ego boost draw you in. You’ll ride the high for quite some time. A binding relationship will begin to unfold and there will no longer be you or him, just you and him.
Unfortunately one day he’ll let you down and you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that he isn’t the perfect person he’s built himself up to be. You’ll be hurt, but you’ll see the distress and regret in his eyes and you’ll forgive him.
Down the road there will be more slip-ups on his part. He’s only human after all, and everyone makes mistakes. However, his mistakes become more and more grave, deliberate, and careless, and he will become less remorseful each time. With every lie that you forgive, he will respect you less and less. He knows now that you’re under his thumb and you’ll always forgive him, even without an apology.
Over time, his anger will finally come to a surface. You won’t be sure if you caused it or if he’d been supressing it all along, but it will scare you. It will scare you a lot. The sweet nothings that swept you off your feet turn into vengeful insults that beat you to the ground. He mocks your tears and gets further angered by your cowering. When the episode of rage is over, he’ll say the same sweet words that made you fall for him in the first place… and you’ll forgive him. Again and again, you’ll forgive him.
What was once a relationship becomes a game of power. He knows that no matter what he does, all he has to do is say those sweet words and you’ll forgive him. Even when he’s spewing insults and proclaiming his hatred for you, you’ll beg him to stay. Your dignity is long gone by this point, as your sense of self-worth has become completely dependent upon him.
You won’t realize how deep you’re in until the physical violence starts. In a fit of rage, he will shove you and grab your arms hard enough to leave bruises. He’ll spit in your face as an ultimate act of dominance and degradation.
Any chance of salvation will be gone at this point. He doesn’t have a shred of respect for you, and it will become clear that he never really loved you. You’re left an empty shell of a person, alone and wishing for nothing more than to hear those sweet words one more time.
Please respect yourself. Don’t forgive him. Don’t let him destroy your soul.
