Dear Elayne Angel,
In 2014, you experienced something approximately 50% of married couples in the United States face: divorce. Whatever the personal and relationship reasons for that, they aren’t really the business of the public. I greatly respect your right to privacy and the expectation that divorce proceedings in the most general sense should be left to those parties involved and not a matter of public spectacle. However, you decided to marry an activist. And not just any activist, The Man with a Pussy, the individual who’s made it his mission share his story in an effort to advocate for radical gender acceptance and Respect by way of sexually empowering self expression, Buck Fucking Angel.
So when you go to court and petition the United States government to declare that someone, anyone, have the governmental recognition of their gender identity stripped from them solely for the purpose of avoiding paying spousal support after emptying your joint bank accounts, people are going to take notice. Especially when the person you’re seeking to have their legal identity stripped from them is one of very few international faces of trans activism. In one short sighted, selfish, petty, hypocritical move you not only threatened the marriages and legal recognition of hundreds if not thousands of marriages nation wide, you gave ammunition to right-wing conservatives that seek to point out how dysfunctional queer individuals and couples are. You proved their point for them.
Much to my surprise (and maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised), after seeing a random advertisement pop up in one of my social feeds, it appears that you still advertise your piercing services to the transgender community, specifically trans*men.
Why…why on earth do you think you get to go around and specifically target trans*men in your piercing business? I feel like the next few sentences are going to be something from a Saturday Night Live sketch. “I mean seriously?! No really…” you want trans*men who already often face issues of body dysphoria, violence against their bodies, body shaming, familial and social rejection, and often governmental refusal of recognition of their identity from ID issues to fucking bathroom bills to trust you with their bodies? You seem to think that somehow you are exempt from the common decency to show some sense of shame around your own actions due to the legal assault you charged against the trans community. Make no mistake, the legal implications and social fodder you gave conservatives with your failed court stunt is an assault.
And while I am caught up in my own rage around this embarrassing transparent, ego centric behavior, I find myself stopping. Stopping because I’m concerned for my own wife who received piercing from you at a leather centered event because piercings, like ink, are personal. For many of us that have modified our bodies, they are spiritual. Those piercings become part of our most personal and connective moments. Genital piercings specifically tie directly into our sexuality and personal expression and experience. The gut wrenching moment I watched her struggle because the metal you added to her body has fed moments of freedom she cannot express or experience anywhere else and the very nature of your own self serving, the level of destructiveness you are willing to engage, has tainted her memories of those moments spanning more than a decade. That realization hit my wife like a ton of bricks. The disgust and pain that came over her broke my heart because there is nothing, nothing I can do to restore those moments.
Then it occurred to me, “what about the trans*men you’ve pierced? What about the trans*men you are targeting in your ads and on your website?” What about the trans*men that are hit even harder by these feelings and may one day sit for you only to realize later that a woman who sought to cause them harm by exercising oppression is a permanent part of their lives…their bodies? I can’t help them. I can’t console them. But I damn sure can warn them. I can be loud about your behavior and how those behaviors reflect beliefs. I can be loud about making sure the world knows you don’t deserve to receive a fucking penny from the pockets of the trans community. Who knows who your next partner may be and how you may target them with your hidden, bigoted attitudes? Who knows how the profit you earn may be later turned against another marginalized community? Given the enormity of your failed petition, I’m not willing to risk it.
Shame on you.
You don’t get to enjoy the rights without the responsibility that comes with them. That includes enduring the consequences of dissolved contracts, not hiding behind a the most pressing Civil Rights issue of the day and using opposition to Equality as a means to evade your responsibility. You don’t get to have it both ways.
For others reading this, remember, you endorse what you buy. If you purchase Chick-Fil-A, you endorse and enable a company that paid into the coffers of the man charged with crimes against humanity for his role in pushing Uganda’s “Kill The Gays” Bill. If you sit for Elayne Angel, you endorse and enable an individual that sought to cement into the legal frame work of this country that trans*men aren’t male enough to be married to a woman and that same-sex marriage bans are a great defense against queer folks gaining equal recognition under the law. There are many, many talented piercers in this country and in this community. Please, make sure that your values align with where you spend your money and with what you will be adding to your body.
Sincerely,
Jen Laws
Married, gender different leather dude with a bent toward socially responsible consumerism
