Dear good folks at the fine Willy Wonka Corporation,
Willywkna My name is James and I’ve been an avid consumer of your delectable Fun Dip product ever since I was a young boy with a growing palette. My culinary transition from breast milk and mashed bananas to more mature edibles such as Now & Laters and Jolly Ranchers was smooth and painless thanks to your delicious Fun Dip candy.
I reminisce fondly of the days when I sat next to the front door, anxiously anticipating the sweet sounds of the ice cream man's glorious jingle. When my ears caught the faintest trace of distant chimes I always sprinted to the street, my glands salivating for a sugar fix, willing to spend my entire week's allowance of fifty cents on something that could sooth my soul.
The neighborhood children clamored for the cigarette bubble gum, Kool's. They pretended to smoke by putting the tube to their lips and exhaling, powdered sugar drifting into the air. I never thought those kids were very cool. Cool for me was dipping that mysterious white Fun Dip stick into the powdery goodness, making sure to scoop only as much as I needed. That level of glucostic freedom and control was liberating.
Which brings me to my pressing question. From that glorious day when I ran out of my cherry flavored Fun Dip powder and first realized I could take a bite of my eating utensil, to today, as I eagerly lap up every last granule of my purple dipping sauce while I sit typing at my desk, I have always and forever wondered exactly what that white stick is made out of.
Parents, teachers, medical personnel. None could offer any illumination into the true nature of my most favorite eating apparatus. Not even the devilishly clever spork could hope to compete. Sugar? Chalk? Baking Soda? Even at a young age I was aware that people were just guessing. No one knows.
As I've grown older, and hopefully wiser, I have researched one of my life's more vexing inquiries. Just what is that stick made out of? I've searched the halls of my public libraries, I've scoured the internet relentlessly, and I've even placed a few phone calls which were never returned.
I implore, nay, I beg you to shed some light on this dark mystery that has tested the limits of my already fragile sanity. What are the ingredients of your Fun Dip dipping sticks? What kind of process is required to manufacture them? Has the recipe or the process ever changed in the history of the product? Are there any foreseeable changes that may occur to the Fun Dip dipping stick? These questions only hint at the surface of my deeply rooted interest in the “Cadillac of Candies”.
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy candy-making schedules to humor a dedicated lifetime Fun Dipper. I hope and pray that "The Dip", as I affectionately call it, will always be a part of my life.
Warmest Regards,
James Spiller
