My daughter, Hayley … is 31 yo and in an all women’s treatment facility in southern California. She has now been clean/sober for over 75 days, and seems to have vigorously embraced sobriety and the 12 step recovery program. She was a crack and IV heroin user for about a year …
It doesn’t matter what or how much we used or drank—the mentality of addiction is largely the same from addict to addict. Though the behaviors are different from substance to substance: if you read Bill Clegg’s book, as a crack user his behavior was different from mine. He smoked crack in bathrooms and hotels; I used all sorts of prescription drugs in all sorts of ways “not as prescribed.” I didn’t have a crack stem; he didn’t have fentanyl patches; but at the end we were both isolated and alone, with confused partners and without jobs. It’s the same with heroin users, drinkers, anyone who is addicted.
The fact that she is in recovery – and is even alive, is a bloody miracle. …
It’s always a miracle when we find true recovery from this life-threatening disease. Isn’t it a miracle when someone recovers from cancer or AIDS?
Hayley graduated with honors from a small, private, prestigious liberal arts college—and I’ll always be mystified as to how/why she journeyed down such a dangerous, self-destructive path.
It doesn’t matter what we’ve done or accomplished, or what stuff we have or don’t have. None of that protects us from this disease.
I’m desperate to get inside an addict’s head and learn as much as I can about addiction. You, as a writer and an addict in recovery, can offer so much wisdom, experience, and . . . hope.
The first thing I can learn as someone who has loved an addict is: Addiction is a family disease. It affects not just the addict, but everyone around the addict.
The second thing I learned was to keep the focus on myself. AlAnon’s Detachment pamphlet was something I carried around in my bag. Please download this. It reads, in part,
Detachment allows us to let go of our obsession with another’s behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power greater than ourselves. We can still love the person without liking the behavior.
And we may never fully understand the behavior. I am still trying to “figure out” why I became an addict, how someone like myself (a person who graduated from a small, private liberal arts college, who put herself through graduate school, who has publication credits, who has taught at university, who’s married, has a kid, blah blah blah) could possibly have become an addict. It doesn’t matter what I did, what stuff I have. I am directed to believe it was beyond my control.
I am responsible for my health and recovery, and taking responsibility for that one day at a time appears to be the best way—in addition to actually cleaning up the messes I’ve made, which I’ve done my best to do—that I can redeem the mistakes of the past.
When I get too far ahead of myself and too afraid, and prevent myself from being guided by a power greater than myself, I fall down. I had more than a year sober in January and I used a Vicodin pill. So now, with a sober date of January 3, I have almost seven months. But really, I have only today.
My mother died (she was one of many in my family who died) as the consequences of this disease. If she were here today, I would want her just to be present with me. I wouldn’t ask her a bunch of questions about her illnesses, and I wouldn’t want her to ask me about mine… I’d show her the painting I’m working on. We’d spend time with her grandchild. (Can you imagine for a moment how much I wish he had a grandma?) We’d eat supper together.
We’d do ordinary things.
Inviting other addicts and those who love addicts to share their experience, strength and hope here…
With every good wish on your journey… –G
Original Source: http://guineveregetssober.com/an-open-letter-to-peggy/
