An open letter to you know how you are

I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you. I hate your actions and what you did to me. The anger and hate are out of my system and they have been for over 6 months. Sometimes I miss you, but then I slap myself in the face and realize that I miss the idea of you and I miss the things we used to do, but I sure as hell don’t miss you.
There are things you may not know. There are songs that remind me of you and I can’t stop listening to them because it’s like they were written for me about you. Articles about love, hate, missing someone, and regret- all reminders of the past.
You did me wrong, there is no way around it. You even admit it. “You deserve better than this”, “I fucked you up so bad”. Yeah, I do and yeah, you did.
I question everything. There is someone new in my life. The words he speaks to me. When he says he misses me, is he lying? Is he not answering me because he’s with someone else? Is he in a bad mood because I looked the wrong way when we were in public; like you did? Remember that? I do. I am recovering from those aspects of life. It’s hard and yet again, I blame you.
I would like to thank you for putting me through this. Thank you for doing this to me, I know how I never want to be treated again. You took my pride away for three and half some odd years. My joy was you; apparently our minds were in separate places.
You sweet-talked me into thinking you’ll change. You sweet-talked me into hating all of the other girls and somehow falling back in love with you. I still don’t know how you did it and more importantly, how I fell for it again, and again, and again. I hate myself for that.
I feel bad for your next victim. I truly do. I do not resent her. I have no reason to. She doesn’t know the web of lies she is exposing herself to. She knows your name. She probably doesn’t even know I exist.
She doesn’t know what you did to me. She definitely is familiar with your sweet-talk. She probably experienced it when she saw you looking at that girl in the bar. “I was just being friendly, she came up to me”; one of the many quotes that come to mind. I wonder if you’ll give her twenty dollars at the bar so that you can go and do your own thing when you tell her to “leave you alone”. I wonder when she will hit rock bottom. I wonder if when she catches you being unfaithful she will come running back like I did. I wonder if she will listen to your sweet, sweet lies. Maybe she will come home to letters on her bed like I did. “Just look forward to a better future”. Will you use that line on her too? More importantly, will she be dumb enough to believe you like I did?
He doesn’t treat me like you did. He understands me; he cares about what I have to say. He likes my imperfections. He doesn’t question me. He doesn’t expect me to do things. He likes to show me off. He’s not embarrassed to be in public with me. He enjoys my company and I enjoy his. He is a genuine person. You on the other hand- a walking disaster.
So, as I said- thank you. Thank you for putting me through those shitty times, now I can appreciate the best times of my life that have yet to come.