Dear Jimmy Fallon's Mom (can I call you Gloria?),
I hope you are having a nice summer! A thousand apologies for the whole “open letter” thing. I kind of can’t stand that phrase, but it’s a thing. How about this - “An Open Letter to Open Letters: Dear Open Letters: Please stop.” Haha!
Anyhoo, I’m writing you because I'm really hoping you might ask your son if he would babysit my seven year old son: “G.” I am thinking $15 per hour, but can’t do any more than $20. (If it happens this week, they could go to the Maggie Daley Park or something. We are having ironwork done at my condo and it might be a little loud.) "G" is an aspiring funny guy, but that’s not why I’m requesting babysitting help from the host of The Tonight Show. The reason is that there are some admirable qualities I see in your son that I am failing to pass on to "G."
See, my kid is growing up to be just like me despite my best efforts to prevent that from happening. I am still haunted by a few personality demons that I’ve wrestled with since childhood, and now I’m starting to see signs of them in my son. I feel strongly that Jimmy Fallon could be just the holy man to perform an exorcism on them before they settle into G's soul.
Oh dear. I worry that the light, conversational tone of my “open letter” might betray the earnestness behind my request. I’m sure mine is an age-old question that has perplexed mothers since the dawn of time: How does a parent teach their child to be better than themselves? How does a mother parent in such a way her that child is able to rise out of the very muck that keeps her stuck? For if I knew the detour, I wouldn’t keep treading the same, worn-out path of self sabotage and frustration, myself. How can I teach my son that which I cannot do?
For example:
Jimmy Fallon knows how to play nice with all the kids in the playground. If you see my kid on a playground, he is the child off to the side either playing by himself, or playing exclusively with the nerdiest kid on the blacktop.(And if you look closely, G is most likely ‘directing’ the show)
Where's G?
Where's G?
For both my son and I, our circles of friends are small, and we don’t play well with those standing too far outside of that circle. Jimmy is so gracious with all of his guests, and it’s clear the feeling is mutual, which is probably because:
Jimmy Fallon likes people I don’t, Gloria. I wish I did, but I don’t. I’ve tried, but I don’t. I like humanity; humans not so much. I have kept this one a secret from G so far, but it’s getting harder and harder to keep such an unseemly secret to myself. The reason Jimmy's interviews are so entertaining is because he really likes people. G likes people, too. Jimmy could show him what a human-loving adult looks like.
Jimmy Fallon can take the heat. Our skin is so thin it’s damn near transparent. You say, “Buck up!” We say, “What? Why? HOW?” I have seen my son crack open, head thrown back, his heart flying up to the sky on the wings of a low, painful wail when when a friend of his told him that he is “no longer his friend.” For decades, I’ve been told I am too sensitive, and that it is a weakness I must fix. But I’ve seen the same delicacy in my son from birth, and now understand that our sensitivity is as much a part of who we are as our hair color. It is something to be managed, not destroyed.
Gloria, I needn’t tell you that the alpha male is still due north in the compass of American masculinity. A sensitive boy has some challenges ahead of him. I can tell that your son had the same issues by his uncanny knack for doing impressions of people. A real impressionist recreates a person from the inside out, and it begins with listening to another person’s heart. Check.
Jimmy Fallon doesn't give up. As a general rule, I try not to avoid doing things that are not enjoyable. Doing things that I am bad at, well, that’s on the top of my list entitled “things least enjoyable.” If I was ever a guest on Jimmy’s show, he could ask me what I was really good at, and I would say, “Quitting things,” and it would be hilarious, because it would be true.
So I let my kid off the hook too easily when he wants to quit something. I don’t want to be a hypocrite. How can I tell him to follow through on learning Spanish when I quit Italian because it was too hard? How can I persuade him that putting the time into coding will pay off when I quit drumcorp because I didn’t want to take cold showers? Perseverance and rejection come with the territory for a stand-up comedian. For me, those two words are nothing more than concepts and bad memories.
Jimmy Fallon is funny as hell. Funny RULES in our home.
I know Jimmy is very busy with the show, and probably has some medical visits left on his schedule. (girl, I’m so glad his finger didn’t get ripped off! Ay yi yi!) I would understand if he is too busy right now, but I can work around his schedule!
Thanks for passing on the message, and have a lovely fall. Maybe we can meet up for some yogurt, sometime. I’d love to hear all of these things from your side of things, as well! I think you have done such a great job as his mom. Good Moms raise good boys. I'm definitely a fan! #teamgloria
Very sincerely, Jenn-Anne.
