Dear United States of America,
It's been a long time.
Not that long, I guess, only six and a half months since we've last seen each other. But it has been nine, almost 10 years since we've really known each other.
So it's understandable, I think, that with only about a month until our next meeting, I'm a little nervous. It's not that I hate you. I really don't. And although in some ways I have a strong distaste for you, I am more often afraid we will actually get along.
And why would that be such a bad thing? It wouldn't, I guess. In fact, it would even be good to enjoy our time together, especially given that it will probably be long. What I'm afraid of isn't just that I will be miserable or that I won't make friends, but that if everything goes well, I will forget my past.
You're not my only country, you see. I've lived in a number of places, most of which I feel more connected to – or have more love for – than I do to you. I'm American, sure, but it's not quite that simple. So if I adjust to your way of life, I'm worried I'll lose what makes me me. I'm worried I'll forget the perspective that living around the world has given me, the things I do that are "weird" or "foreign" to you, and the things I love about my other homes.
With that said, I'm willing to try to make things work. This time last year, I wasn't ready to even see you. I still may not quite be ready to call you home, but I am excited for this new adventure of rediscovering my "passport country". I could go on and on about why I should enjoy this next year, or why I think I might not, but in the end, attitude is what it comes down to. You are not a terrible country, or even a bad one, and the only reason I would not enjoy our time together would be due to my own desire to be discontent. It's not that "repatriation" is going to be easy just because I say it will be, but putting in the effort to make friends and understand your culture and the way you work, USA, is up to me.
Not complaining is my job. Taking advantage of opportunities, finding was to stay connected to my past without losing the present, and having patience with many frustrations are all my jobs, no matter where I may be.
So thank you, USA, for being a wonderful next place for me to grow. Here's to seeing everything as an opportunity; to learning, to teaching, and to understanding. Here's to enjoying my time within your borders, however long or short it may be. Here's to gratitude and positivity, to new ideas and a different way of life.
Until April,
Alisa Nelson
