Dear Tourists Taking Pictures in Front of Lori's Diner,
Why?
What the heck are you doing?
On my walk to work I see you, bundled up in your newly purchased fleece (yes, it is way colder here than anyone prepared you for, I'm sorry). You crowd around the front of the restaurant with your selfie sticks every day without fail and take pictures. You look so happy and I'm so confused.
Nothing against Lori's. They're a local kitschy '50s restaurant with a yummy breakfast if you are too hungover to drag your ass to a fancy brunch place. They are clean and bright and their waitresses call you "hon," which is something I find extremely comforting. But why are you photographing yet another kitschy '50s diner? Don't they have diners where you come from? If they don't, that is a hard life and I shouldn't be such a bitch. But I highly suspect they do in fact have diners in your hometown.
What are you saying when you take a picture there at Lori's? Maybe you're trying to trick your friends back home? "LOOK GAIL! NOT ONLY DID I GO TO SAN FRANCISCO I ALSO TIME TRAVELED TO THE 1950S! JUST KIDDING, IT'S A DINER!"
And you know what, there are way better diners in the city! Hell, right across the street from one Lori's is The Pinecrest diner which has pretty much the same food BUT was also the scene of a murder. I bet Gail has never even heard of a diner where a murder took place much less seen one!
I don't understand you. I get the photos of the Painted Ladies. They are beautiful houses, plus Gail will get jealous that you were basically on Full House. I get the photos of sea lions at the wharf. They're majestic beasts who nap all day; I'm about that life. But Lori's is a diner! Just a regular fucking '50s diner! It's not even a one of a kind diner. In Union Square you could go on a really depressing "Lori's Diner crawl" and only have to cross the street twice! Ok, some of them have that "back of a Cadillac" thing in front of it but it's not the goddamned Golden Gate Bridge! There are iconic buildings and memorable restaurants everywhere in this city and you're like "WE HAVE TO DOCUMENT THIS HALF OF A CADILLAC!"
To conclude, I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed in you. I want one or all of you to explain this phenomenon to me. I am waiting for your answer.
Love,
Molly
