Dear Betty and Richard Odgaard,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry about your decision to close the doors of your historic Gortz Haus to all marriages rather than open them to gay marriages. I'm sorry you feel that decision was unfairly forced upon you, in violation of your religious beliefs.
And I'm sorry you've been deeply hurt by the fallout of your choices — first not to allow a gay couple to marry in your space, then to sue the state and now to stop all weddings there. Some people have boycotted your business and called you hateful. Others with various agendas have held you up as heroes. I suspect you never wanted either kind of attention.
But I'm also sorry that your lawsuit, where those hateful and threatening emails and phone calls were disclosed, was ever encouraged by lawyers. The Becket Fund for Religious Liberty, which sued the Iowa Civil Rights Commission on your behalf, should have understood a win was unlikely when state law explicitly prohibits discriminating against gay people in public accommodations, and that same-sex couples in Iowa have marriage rights. Yes, religious institutions are exempted, but the attorneys should have known yours is not a religious establishment. It's a private business bound by civil rights law.
So it's good you dropped the lawsuit. But I also wish attorneys had warned you about the legal consequences of rejecting Lee Stafford's and Jared Ellers' wedding, which has cost you $5,000 to settle, and a lot of bad blood.
I'm not sorry those are our laws, though. I'm proud our state has been at the forefront in recognizing that people have no more say in their sexual orientation than in their race, and everyone is entitled to equal rights and to be treated with dignity.
I believe you are sincere in thinking you have to reject gay couples to follow your Mennonite beliefs. I also believe you're not hateful people, just people caught between tradition and change when our world, nation and state are rapidly evolving their standards, laws and understanding of humanity. We have a black president, and a pope who says it's not his place to judge a person's sexual orientation. Women are serving in combat, and "Kinky Boots" is playing on the main Civic Center stage. Where do "traditional" values fit in?
Your case gave some candidates an excuse to champion those values during last year's primary election campaigns. Some running for U.S. Senate championed your stance and urged you to hold firm in excluding gay couples. The moderator at an Iowa Family Leader debate went so far as to accuse business owners who have gay clients of aiding and abetting sin. They certainly are not! They're practicing the principle of "live and let live," which I know your Mennonite faith upholds.
Betty, you've said that while you believe marriage is between one man and one woman, you don't condemn or judge anybody else for their beliefs and how they live their lives. You say you have gay friends and employees, and I'm sure you've treated them equitably. In being asked to rent your premises for gay couples' wedding ceremonies, you're not being asked to change your views or engage in prohibited behavior. You are asked to put into practice your belief that other people have the right to live differently from you.
Gays and lesbians have been persecuted through history. Mennonites know what persecution means. The Swiss German Mennonites who immigrated to this country in the 18th and 19th centuries did so to avoid persecution. When European Mennonites in the 16th century broke away from the practice of baptizing infants — interpreting the Scriptures to say only adults should be baptized when they can choose — didn't that underscore the faith's belief that adults should be allowed to choose how to live their lives?
More recently, American Mennonites have boldly stepped up to the challenge of tackling an issue long suppressed in our society and in many churches: sexual abuse by priests. The prominent theologian and pacifist, John Howard Yoder, admitted before his death in 1997 to having sexually abused many women. Although such allegations and calls had five years earlier led to his credentials as a minister being suspended, they were restored before his death. The Mennonite Church USA has now formed a "discernment group" to examine the church's response. Thank the women who persisted in bringing the abuse to light, and acknowledge church leaders who worked to hold Yoder accountable. They want to help victims heal and prevent further victimization.
Mennonites have also courageously resisted calls to war and killing in accordance with a faith that promotes the "ability to agree and disagree in love." Isn't that a traditional value? Isn't that the situation you are now faced with — disagreeing but still acting lovingly — just opening your hearts a bit wider?
I'm sorry it took such conflict to reach this point. But I dearly hope you'll take advantage of the opportunities it brings.
Sincerely,
Rekha Basu
