Dear U.S. Congress,
It has come to our attention while observing your nuclear negotiations with our government that you may not fully understand the fact that you have absolutely no right to tell us how to power our country or defend it.
Indeed, the existence of nuclear weapons makes us all less safe. Which is why we often wonder how you can bully other countries around, warning the world about the dangers of nuclear weapons, but you continue to build and maintain your own massive nuclear arsenal.
You claim that the Middle East is an unstable region. While this may be true, wouldn't it be safe to say that much of this instability can be traced back to psychotic western leaders who have infiltrated our land to ensure your soccer moms and self-important politicians can drive around in gas-guzzlers without a care in the world.
The truth is, the only reason we're even in negotiations is because you carry a bigger stick.
In any event, we just wanted to let you know that while we're sure many Americans are wonderful people who just want to live in peace – just like most Iranian people – it is because of your actions that such peace cannot exist.
We hope this letter enriches your knowledge of our attitudes toward your incessant bullying and promotes mutual understanding and clarity as nuclear negotiations progress.
Hugs and Kisses,
Iran
