I am writing this letter because I'm tired of reading or hearing about all these stereotypical breakup scenarios and ways to move on with you life. I recently broke up with a partner of 2 years and as I'm sure we can all agree...going through a break up sucks! But for magazines and other media to simplify a break up to the point where it is formulaic is just wrong and you have to be aware that no two relationships are the same, therefore no break up is going to be the same.
People are different and as a result they are going to respond differently to a breakup. So no matter what you might have prepared yourself for because you've already broken up with someone, doesn't mean your next breakup is going to be smooth sailing.
I have spent a bit of time thinking about breakup stereotypes and here are some of the ones you should ignore if you are looking for solid advice to help with a split:
First of all, to say men are more likely to break-up with a woman just isn't accurate anymore. Perhaps this was the case decades ago but now women have more freedom to do as they please and studies have found that women are over 60% more likely to initiate the likes of divorces.
Secondly (and this can be a hard pill for people to swallow), when it's over it's over!! One of my friends is currently going through an elongated split from a fairly short relationship but the guy doesn't have the heart to just cut all ties completely and as a result she is being strung along and constantly believes they are 'back on again'.
Next up is the idea that a good way to get over a relationship is to have 'a rebound or quick fling'. Frankly I just find this idea degrading as it is being suggested you should pretty much settle for the next guy who comes along or worse, someone who you know has feelings for you and you are going to briefly take advantage of. Once again I have a friend who was someone's rebound after a long relationship and it was clear upon meeting them that he was in over his head and something had gotten too serious compared to what he was after.
The idea that you can stay friends with your ex is definitely not for everyone! We all have tendencies or friends who will constantly check up on their former partners and it isn't a healthy habit to adopt. Plenty of studies have found that following your ex on social media after a breakup is going to slow the recovery process. Of course it is only natural for us to want to see how they are doing a month or two after a split but are you prepared to see them with a new partner or looking like they're having much more fun than when you were together? Didn't think so...
Overall it's best not to dwell on a break-up but don't run away from it either. No one comes out of a breakup without emotionally reacting to it, even if it is a relationship you are better off not being in! The end of a relationship is a time to reflect upon what went wrong and then begin a new chapter of your life. Learn from your mistakes and don't be in a rush to enter a new relationship or follow the expectations of others.
Best,
Anonymous
