To those in the aftermath of a divorce,
To begin with I am not writing this letter as a way of venting a bitter grudge against my former partner. There have definitely been some tough times of late with the loss of my house and of course not wanting my children to see my current predicament. But I am determined to not dwell in a state of self pity and would actually say surprisingly that I am still happy!
The first step that anyone must take when going through a divorce is to not let anger and emotions get in the way...couples don't generally come back from divorces so you should be prepared to accept it in order to get the best and most amicable split possible. After all you don't want to do any further damage to your situation and potentially affect how much access you get to your children or how much you and your ex battle over. I don't blame my ex-wife for our divorce, sometimes the big stuff in life - like work and bills - can take over and it begins to wear away at the real you, if you don't fight against it then people will lose sight of the person they fell in love with.
Now I am looking to the bigger picture at hand and that is of my new job of becoming a 'co-parent'. For the sake of my children and my own sanity everything that has past, has past. It is all water under the bridge and we must both focus on this new job and limiting the impact it has on our children's lives. Of course fathers still don't get the best deal with their children in divorce settlements but this will definitely allow me the opportunity to sort my life and situation out. I will still take advantage of every moment I get to see my children, especially as there may be a new father figure in their life one day...but once again I will cross that bridge when I come to it.
I know people may judge me for looking on the brighter side of things but I have always had the outlook of 'if it's meant to be, it's meant to be' and there is no use in dwelling on something. The times I have dwelled on things in the past, it has brought out the worst in me and I've felt awful for it.
Perhaps the biggest issue I am currently going through is having to move back into my parents home for a while and no self-respecting man would ever feel happy doing so, but I am fortunate that I do have somewhere to go that I can reset and begin again. It would be fair to say that divorce is the biggest challenge to have occurred in all my life, but what I realise is that I have to approach every day with optimism and with my focus on my children.
I tell myself every day that we are better for our experiences and it is how we choose to react to them that shapes us as a person. I am choosing to begin again, to have a fresh start whereby I can be the best person, co-parent and singleton I can be.
Stay strong,
David
