2010-2011 was the best year of my life na hindi ko inakala until this day... Best yun kasi andun ka. I feel sorry for my 2011 self today, dahil ngayon I regret so many things. Even though I know that I am a good friend, but I was a terrible person. I wasn't nice. I don't know why I was like that back then. But it is what it is, it already happened. That girl is done. Now, I am 29, palagi akong bumabalik sa nakaraan. Tas palagi kitang binabalikan.
In 2015, nag start akong mag work sa starbucks, I worked with a guy that I thought was like you. He is also my sweet friend. Naalala kita. Sana pala, nung araw na naalala kita hinanap kita non, baka sakali maging mag kaibigan tayo ulit.
Then, recently I was able to add you as a friend on Facebook, we had a small talk. Tas nalaman ko, nag starbucks ka din that same year. The 2016 Starbucks Party, andoon ka din pala. We are in the same place, but we never saw each other. Same pala tayo ng stand nung mga panahon na yun. Nung na-realize ko yun, it hit me.
I went to our old conversation on Facebook, it was not a lot kasi hindi pa naman uso ang messenger noon. Nabasa ko at naramdaman ko na "huy, may something pala" paano kung na sstore din somewhere ang mga old conversations? tas nabasa ko pa yun lahat. Malamang talaga, mapapatunayan kong sinayang pala kita. At simula nun, ang dami kong binalikang memories natin nung sobrang close pa natin nung college.
Ang daming pagkakataon na sana pala ikaw yung kinakausap ko, na mas palagi dapat kitang sinabayan pag kakaen. At yung ang tagal kitang di nakita sa school, palagi kitang hinahanap. Namimiss pala kita ng sobra. Tas bumalik ka, niyakap mo ko kahit parang medyo naiilang at nahihiya ka. I remember, sabi ko sayo, "parang di mo kami namiss" and you said, "namiss lalo kana" (while awkwardly side hugging me and smelling my hair) Nung naalala ko un vividly, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "meron ngang feelings" pero binulag ko ng kusa ung sarili ko sa iba, sa hindi ko alam na dahilan. Then, my 18th Birthday, pumunta ka kasi naramdaman mong malungkot ako, kasi sabi ko sayo konti lang na friends sa college natin ang pupunta. Tas after the night of my birthday, you messaged me, " ayan ok na ha". Ikaw din kasi e, ang konti mo mag text. Ano kaya sinabi ko sayo nun? Pero kung ano man, sana pinag stay kita. Sana ikaw nalang ung andun na kasama ko, baka madami pa tayong napag usapan. After that, hindi ko na alam ung nangyari sating magkaibigan.
Ngayon, huli na ang lahat. Dun nalang ako bumabalik ng paulit ulit. Sana there's more of us. but now, tinitingnan ko nalang ang mga pictures mo with your family, your old photos without me as your friend, catching up on my own to those lost years. Nakita kong nag Girlfriend ka for a year or two. Then until now, you are still single, providing for your family, and living your dream of automotive tradings.
Grabe, may ganito pala, madaming taon na nakalipas, ang dami nang nangyari pero narealize ko in love pala ako sayo dati pa, kasi ngayon, ikaw pala ang ideal guy ko. Isang family oriented man,who loves his parents and siblings. Who is sensitive, sweet, and nice. Ikaw pala ung tinutukoy ng dreams ko, pero sa iba ako nag focus.
I have thoughts in my mind to see you for dinner or lunch, with our old friends to catch up. But the timing is not happening. Siguro kasi, end story na talaga ung friendship natin noon pa. Pero ang sarap balik balikan, kaso puro regrets naman, puro sayang, puro what ifs ung nararamdaman ko.
I just wish for your best and healthy life ahead. Andito ako palagi naka antabay sa mga pangyayari sa buhay mo. Kahit hindi mo alam, I am here looking out for you. It is so impossible to do more than this. Pero sa oras na kailangan mo ng kaibigan, sisiguraduhin kong andun ako para sayo.
