Dear people with judgement written on your face and contempt in your eyes,
I am a recovering drug addict.
I started this letter the way I did because I know the look you give me when I tell you I am recovering from a substance abuse problem. I am only too familiar with that sympathetic and/or judgmental smile or the fear in your eyes when I stand close to you or God forbid, breathe so much as the same air as you.
I guess you think I might snap any moment and rip your head off. You like to keep your distance from me, because in your eyes, I am a monster: someone who has sinned, someone you should stay away from, someone with whom you don’t feel comfortable, and someone who will have to suffer the consequences.
Am I not right? Is that not what is going through your head the...
Lifestyle
Dear Addiction,
What can I say about you? I love you or I wouldn’t be an addict–if I didn’t love you I wouldn’t turn to you to cope. Yet I hate you, because you’re trying and sometimes succeeding at taking over my life. You take my money, you cost me opportunities to do something else instead of spend time with you, you take my mental and physical health, and you cause me to do some crazy things–even for a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Remember the time we made a drunken pass at a drag queen in a New York City transvestite bar? Or the time we stripped down and said we were going to paint our bodies and run around the neighborhood whooping like a Native American warrior? Yeah, funny, but embarrassing. You gave me what I thought was a good time, when all the time...
3,775
Hi. First of all, please understand that I’m still here. I know you’re worried and I know you think I’m heading down a bad road. But I’m still here and I really need you to love me anyway. It’s hard for you to understand what I’m going through; it doesn’t make any sense to me, either. It’s like I’m two people: the one you love and this other person who lies and cheats and steal to get my drug. I hate the person who hurts you, but he’s a part of me now and most of the time, the one who’s in control. I’ve heard it all: I know that eventually I’m going to die because of this damn addiction I carry. But I still can’t stop. I will do whatever I need to do to get my fix and if it means hurting anybody, I’ll do it.
I wish I could close my eyes and wake up back in time to when I didn’...
2,572
Dear Friends,
It’s Christmas 2014 … and I’m facing my first holiday season as a parent with everyone “in the know.” It’s been coming for years. I actually cried in anticipation of it the past two Christmas Eves, appreciating how lucky I was to get just one more each of those years.
Sure, it’s a lot of work. And it can be stressful. And exhausting. But isn’t it one of those things we live for as parents? Creating the magic and wonder of a well-executed Christmas morning. I absolutely love it. And I was good at it. If I do say so myself.
I became a parent in 1999, when my son Dean was born. We welcomed his sister, Vivien, into the fold in 2002. The first few years were easy. I could literally shop FOR them WITH them. All I had to do was distract them long enough to shove something...
2,306
Dear Influenza A, B and whatever other alphabet-soup-combinations there are!
I have feared you for years! – actually loathed your mere existence. Every single year you keep scientists on their toes. Your constant morphing and mutating leaves the vaccines full of loop holes and sometimes downright useless, as it is the case right now. Our entire family still vaccinates though – in hopes that we are somewhat protected from your evil ways.
Right now we are in the thick of an influenza outbreak in our home, and let me tell you – I no longer fear you. We are living one of my worst nightmares, and we are OK. Granted there are fevers, chills, coughs and some bad visits to the bathroom, but for being in the middle of one of my biggest fears this COULD be worse!
I know that each year many...
2,556
Dear mythical holiday entities,
While my children may adore you because you bring them presents, candy and money, I DO NOT. You are spoiling them with all the electronics and junk food.
When I was young, the Easter bunny brought me an egg filled with some sort of caramel-like substance and nuts. I couldn’t chew it, and the candy confection would sit around until someone tossed it into the trash. Oh, and there were also a couple of plastic eggs filled with pennies and dimes for our rousing Easter egg hunt around the living room. We grew up in the city, and the plush green shag carpeting was grass-like.
Somehow, for my kids, Easter has morphed into a mini-version of Christmas. Not only do they receive enough junk to rot all 20 baby teeth and the emerging adult ones, but also they...
2,385
Dear Elf on the Shelf
I wrote to you at the North Pole but I’m guessing my letter got caught up with the Christmas post. With Postman Pat in charge, I’m not surprised, but that’s another story.
First up, the positives: I’d like to thank you for making Bouncing Boy laugh. Ever since you turned up on December the 1st, he’s been racing downstairs every morning, excited to find out what you’ve been up to while he’s asleep. And I can’t deny you’ve had a positive influence on his behaviour. From the look of glee and Christmassy magic in his eyes, it’s clear he loves you.
Me, not so much…
For starters, no one likes a tell tale. I know very occasionally, I might moan about my darlings’ behaviour, but that doesn’t give you the right to get all Mr Judgy-pants on them. All this stuff...
2,452
Dear Elf on the Fucking Shelf,
You’re a book, a doll, a keepsake box. You’re an iPhone app, a newsletter, and a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. You’re everywhere.
You’re a fucking nightmare.
When I was pregnant I made a list of things that I was going to ban from my house upon my daughter’s arrival: Barney, Crocs, Tickle Me Talking Elmo, all other battery-operated toys, and light-up sneakers—to name just a few.
If I had known about you, Elf on the Fucking Shelf, you would have been right up there at the top of the list.
But I was blissfully unaware of your felt trend sweeping the nation, as I waddled around gorging my face on lemon bars. Being out of the loop gives you a certain sense of liberty. It is the same liberty that I felt when we recently moved into an...
2,192
Dear Douche bag,
Thank you for wasting three months of my life. You know, there were way more productive things I could have been doing with my time than being in a relationship where I was consistently being lied to. I know you may not see it, but I don’t open up very well and I really opened myself up to you.
I know you would tell me that all those times we sat together talking about life and music and movies was something you believe you were honest about. However, the times we talked about being faithful and how badly you wanted a relationship seem to be all lies to me. Being faithful is a funny thing, it only works when both parties put in the effort and remain loyal to one another.
You, douche bag, did not do that. I think it is a good thing that you inadequately hid your...
3,325
Dear Kelly,
I am writing to you publicly, to tell you how sorry I am for the recent loss of your boyfriend, Senzo Meyiwa, and the excessive attack you received via the social media from people who disapproved of your role as a nyatsi (the other woman). You don’t deserve all those harsh words, my dear. You are very talented, lovely, beautiful and sometimes, God-loving young woman.
I would also like to apologise for the way men have used you over the years. I know you desire to get married, but as it is, you are still single. The result of some men’s dishonestly in your relationship with them is evident in your status as a single mother of two lovely kids; one with a father in prison and the other with a late father. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
You don’t deserve all this from...
2,772