I have always lived in a diverse place.
It wasnt until I was 10 that I moved, to what they call, Ana-Dark Hole (Anadarko, OK).
This is the Indian capital OF THE WORLD. So this town in predominately American Indian.
I am White; as they would say.
Blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin.
I was the minority.
Going to school, I was called "That white girl", "Cracker", "Land stealer", and many more.
But being only 10, I was so confused with what they were saying. I did not know what racism was. I didnt know what land I had stolen, or why they were calling me a food item.
What is racism? Racism is the belief that one race is superior than another race.
I had no idea what all of this meant. I wasnt raised to believe that iwas better than someone else because I was white. I wasnt raised with...
Lifestyle
i just need somebody to talk to. sort of rant to.
im tired of seeing all these people posting stuff on social media claiming they have all these illnesses and mental disorders. most of the time when people do this theyre looking for attention and in todays society its more socially acceptable to have a mental illness than to be gay. i truly hate the world today because it makes it seem that having some sort of mental illness like anxiety or depression or whatever have you is "cool" or "trendy". if you have any type of illness it isnt cool to have. you dont want to brag all about it on twitter, you want to keep it to yourself. one of the hardest things that i deal with on a daily basis is listening to all these people talk all over school about how "depressed" they are because i boy...
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Every year I go through the same act, like I’m in this twisted play that everyone I love is watching and judging me for.
I hate my birthday.
I was born on April 1st at 9:22 am in the year 1996. For the last (almost) 20 years I’ve had to deal with these same responses when I tell others my birthday:
“Haha April Fools!”
“Wow, What a joke!”
Yeah. Super funny when a 6 year old has a birthday party and none of her friends show up because, “I thought she was just kidding? It’s really your daughter’s birthday?” says a Random Parent.
That happened to me so often my mother sent out copies of my birth certificate in my party invitations, then gave up and just had my birthday party conjoined with my younger brother on his birthday, April 24th… Almost a month after mine, that’s a long...
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Dear Umadevi Dassaye,
You didn't give me enough credit. I put you on a pedestal; I praised you for everything you did right, and even when you did wrong, I still thought you were the greatest.
You see, I know what it's like to appreciate what is in front of me. I have loved, and I have lost. And when I found you and got to know what was deep down inside you, I began to fall for that. But that's not who you were. That's the person you wanted to be.
You wear a mask every day. You put on a big show for everyone around you. Well done! You have them convinced. But me? Not so much. I challenged you to really think about the person you wanted to be. The person you don't show to others. And for a while, you were that person for me. I got your best. And it was wonderful.
But when you were done...
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Do you enjoy going to bed and feeling well rested in the morning? What about when you look in the mirror and actually like what stares back at you? It must be nice to have motivation in the things you have a strong love or passion for.
Me? Well, today I slept in until 1 in the afternoon because I couldn't fall asleep until 5 am. This is what happens when you constantly fight your inner demons. Theres no downtime. They don't take breaks. And neither do I. My struggle is actually finding the energy, physically and mentally, to do the things I actually enjoy doing. Do you ever have the feeling like one day your are just going to wake up and just feel nothing? I do. I feel as though one day I am going to wake up and just numb down to the core.
This doesn't upset me, though. It...
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To the people who don't give me a chance,
There comes a time in our lives In which we give up on people. Not because we don't like them or because we believe that it might be best for us. But because we just can't handle to know the choices they made. We take knowing someone's baggage or past as a reason to not to get know people. As a reason to only let people go, as we are afraid of what mets the eye. We are Afraid to see what is behind the walls, behind the rumors or the stories that we have heard. To hear what it is that the person is really like because we can't get passed the things that others have told us. Others that may not know the truth. That may not know the reasoning behind it or the things that a person has gone through. We are all guilty of it.
That's what this is...
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You have been around for the longest time. I remember my first anxiety episode in seventh grade. Who would have thought i would be scared to go sharpen my pencil. I was so scared about bothering my peers by walking across the room and making so much noise that one of them would start yelling at me because I was disturbing them. I didn't know it was you at first. Hell, I didn't even know what a mental illness was.
After that incident, it became more frequent. I would be scared to ask a waiter for a to-go box because I felt that I would be asking too much. I would be scared to ask my teachers questions when I needed help because I felt that they would get annoyed and yell at me for interrupting. I would have full-blown anxiety attacks; shaking, crying and confused; because I was scared...
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I think that when people die it is important to say the things you wouldn't have otherwise said. I don't want to carry it with me when I go, but rather leave these words here, for the people that meant so much to me. Even the ones who didn't.
To my wonderful dad, I start with you because you have always been my everything. A listening ear, the advice I sometimes didn't want to hear and my rock. A man who never once let his little girl down. If I could have you know one thing it would be that you gave me the best life a child could have had. Maybe not one filled with toys and things, but one filled with memories, adventures and love. Those things matter more to me than any material thing you could have given your children. So never worry that you never did enough, because quite...
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Dear Grown Woman,
To no avail until now I had been searching for a way to address my anger, resentment, and hatred towards you for all the unnecessary drama you have caused since October 2015. I’ve tried so hard to let go of what you’ve done, but when you constantly have people looking at you differently as though you’ve done something wrong – then that, for me, has always seemed to get in the way. I could’ve written you a message on Facebook and sent it to you for you to ponder and hopefully understand where I’ve always been trying to come from, but you are a cowardice person who would simply ‘seen’ my message and carry on with your life with no decency whatsoever to send a reply. You’ve run from your problems several times before that I assume it has just become a part of your nature...
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To my three best friends,
We made it through our first year away from home without killing each other or burning our place down. That alone I believe is a huge accomplishment considering the fact that it took us almost two hours to put together book shelves when we first arrived only a few short months ago.
Together we have made it through break ups, laundry disasters, sickness and injuries. Through the tough classes, early mornings and late night study sessions.
To think that this year is almost over and that I am going to be spending the next few months without you all. I honestly can say that I don't know what I would do without your jokes, funny comments, love and affection.
I often find myself wondering what it is that I am going to do in order to make it through the...
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