Dear Ben and Jerry,
I know you two guys are no longer involved with the company, but you do show up at “scoop shop” openings. And I’ve been meaning to write you for a long time to air a grievance that has been weighing on me. When I heard about your ex-company’s latest flavor I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer. Could you please pass this along to the new corporate honchos?
I’m sure you’ve been getting a lot of mail lately from people who think the name “Schweddy Balls” is vulgar. I am not one of those people. Naming ice cream after the boys in the basement is crass, but I don’t care about that. What I care about is a pattern that I first noticed six months ago when you came out with “Late Night Snack,” honoring Jimmy Fallon.
My initial reaction to the news that Jimmy Fallon was...
Lifestyle
Dear Misguided Conservatives,
You've all got me baffled. I just can't figure out how any person claiming to be a conservative can find ANY reason to defend the last eight years of George W. Bush. Everything he's done has been the complete opposite of conservative, totally outside the core values of the Republican Party, and so destructive to our nation, I fear it's beyond repair.
Almost from day-one, Mr. Bush advocated blanket amnesty for illegal aliens, and created the “No Child Left Behind” debacle. Big government, liberal programs!! After 9-11, with the help of a panicked, mindless legislature, he went further and created HUGE GOVERNMENT and HUGE SPENDING with the Department of Homeland Security, and The Patriot Act. These under the guise of “protecting America.” Let me get...
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Dear Mr. President:
I am still in shock after the dastardly attacks of yesterday. But I am worried by some of the things I saw and heard from my fellow citizens, on national television and radio--calls for vengeance, and the facile assumption that we are now at war.
Mr. President, in December 1941 there was an open act of war. [1] Men wearing their country's uniform, in ships and aircraft flying their country's flag, attacked military targets--without formal declaration of war, but still openly, as soldiers. None of these stipulations were met yesterday: men wearing civilian clothes attacked civilians in stolen, civilian aircraft. This was not an act of war, sir. It was a crime.
Mr. President, I heard yesterday calls for response in kind, for attacks on civilians. I heard you...
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Dear Governor Bush,
On this historic day as marriage equality comes to the State of Florida, I was saddened that your statement [quoted below] reiterates the false dichotomy that providing equal protection for same-sex couples and protecting religious liberty are two "sides of the gay lesbian marriage issue."
Nothing could be further from the truth.
We live in a democracy, and regardless of our disagreements, we have to respect the rule of law. I hope that we can also show respect for the good people on all sides of the gay and lesbian marriage issue -- including couples making lifetime commitments to each other who are seeking greater legal protections and those of us who believe marriage is a sacrament and want to safeguard religious liberty.
With all due respect, this statement...
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Dear Mr President,
I imagine that you are aware of the political, economic and social standing of our country and hope that sooner rather than later you will find it within yourself to do what is right for the millions of
Zimbabweans who, in
1980, made a democratic choice and overwhelmingly mandated you to lead them ‘through a free and fair election, conducted in the full glare of the world’s spotlight’.
You delivered a moving speech on 17 April 1980 in which you correctly elevated unity over enmity, foresight over hindsight, love over hate and democracy over oppression.
You explained, Mr President, that ‘our majority rule could easily turn into inhuman rule if we oppressed, persecuted or harassed those who do not look or think like the majority of us’.
I am not precisely sure...
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Dear Senator Clinton,
I know that it is still weeks before your confirmation hearings, but I write you in the hope that you might redress a grievance that I have with Condoleezza Rice.
Last April I sent the State Department a check for $75 along with an application to renew my passport. Now, I don’t know whether it was in conjunction with the national security overhaul that began in September of 2001, or whether it was a red-meat concession to a demographic bloc on which the Republican Party depends for votes, but when I received my renewal last May, I realized that sometime between 1998 and 2008 the State Department had redesigned the familiar U.S. passport. It is my hope that your department can swiftly revert to the old, Madeleine Albright-era design, and can issue me a fresh...
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Dear Secretary Clinton:
Welcome to the Philippines.
The Madame Gloria Macapagal Arroyo regime announced that they’ll assure you and the United States that there will be a smooth turnover of power here in 2010. Many Filipinos are indeed hoping that the US will fulfill President Barack Obama’s inaugural pledge to promote democracy and fight those who will suppress it.
We are cognizant that the US under the Obama administration has been consistently supporting democracy here with specific reference to the 2010 presidential elections. Defense Secretary Robert Gates was reassuring when he was here and he said that he did not foresee any deterrents to our having a successful democratic process in 2010. CIA Chief Leon Panetta was also reassuring during his Manila visit with regards the...
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Dear Madam Secretary,
Thank you for your ongoing support to the women of Burma and for women’s rights worldwide. We urge you on your upcoming trip to Burma to expressly demand an immediate end to the use of rape as a weapon of war against the ethnic women of Burma. The Burmese Army’s widespread attacks against ethnic civilian communities, especially against women, is an egregious violation of international law and blatantly shows the lack of the rule of law in Burma. We know that you understand the security of women is not a minor issue, but a major problem that has to be addressed before a nation can progress.
Crimes against humanity, especially sexual violence, forced labor, forced relocation, and torture have increased this year as old ceasefires have deteriorated and the Burmese...
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Dear Secretary Clinton,
As advocates for women's health and human rights, we write to request your support on a matter of utmost importance for Indian women. We hope that this week when you meet with the Indian Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh, you underscore the dire state of women's reproductive health in India. As the nation with the highest number of maternal deaths annually, India alone accounts for nearly a quarter of the world's maternal deaths. Every year, more than 100,000 Indian women are dying from childbirth related causes. In addition, another 3,000,000 women will suffer long-lasting illness or injury. As such, maternal mortality in India is long-standing public health crisis, as well as a global human rights concern. The Indian government must be held accountable for...
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Dear Hipster Babies,
Welcome to life in a first world country! Only here do we write open letters to everything from Chelsea Clinton’s unborn baby to “That Barista Who Made Me a Misto Instead of a Caffè Americano.” That’s lesson one. Everyone loves an open letter!
But you’ll know all about that when you have your first Google internet implant that’s bound to be available in your lifetime. So let’s talk about the other things a hipster baby needs to know.
Mustaches. Sorry about all the mustaches. Ironic facial hair on dogs, coffee mugs, and miniature finger tattoos have lead to the proliferation of ‘stache-themed baby items. Mustache pacifier? It’s a thing. And if your parents live somewhere like Portland, OR or Brooklyn, NY, you’ll get one at your baby shower.
You’ll look...
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