To My Ex Love J: I've hated you for the last year and a half, I have so much hate for you that I can't move on with my life, I can't get passed the heart ache I feel every day. My life for 10 years was always about you and your happiness. I don't even know how to live my life without you, I don't know what to do without you, some days I'm just on auto pilot hoping one day I'll wake up and see who I'm really meant to be.
I hate you more than I've ever wanted to hate anyone in my entire life. You used me for 10 years and made me a promise you'd always be my best friend, that we would get married, start a family and love each other, but one day you change, I just kind of delta with the adjustments, you would tell me it's normal to be out all night with your friends and because I was young and naive I listened to everything you told me.
I loved you more than life itself, I would tell myself every day that you love me and you’re doing what you do to help us live a happy life.
You treated me like I was nothing, like I didn't help you build your life of who you are now, you threw me away like I was yesterday’s trash.
I did everything for you, worked, cooked, clean and even in the end lost 50lbs of weight to make you happy.
But you went out and found a younger newer model. She will never be me or compare to me, we are two different people, I'm not like her I helped you become successful and build a life, We had nothing when we started dating and never once did I use you or feel that you owed me something. But Cumbucket sure dose she is not like me, she has no job, no money and no place to call her own, she has no future, who wants to be a bartender all her life and have nothing.
My open letter is to help me move past this, passed the way I feel about still loving you, to let go of all the anger and hate I have for you. I want to be free forever.
I want you to know how you made me feel and how it effects my life. When we broke up, the very next day you had her living in our house, the house I work my ass off for 10 years to build with you, for us and for our future family that we were supposed to start together.
I had to put up with so many secrets, lies, and deception. You told everyone of our friends I was a nark and I sold you out to the cops, but one day I am going to prove it was not me. I’m going to show you that the person sleeping next to you at night, is the one responsible for all you had to go through.
I would never put my family or you in harm’s way. I've had many months to think about how that happened and how it came to light, it was funny I read a message from her friend saying you would get drunk at the bar and say how you made a big mistake ending our life together and you just wanted your old life back.
She felt her life support slipping through her fingers, she knew 10 years would win over a nasty piece of ass who they call the Ferris wheel and she had to make a big statement that would seal our faith forever so she labeled me as the accuser.
Conveniently enough "somehow" I was called a pond by the DEA and asked questions, at my place of work, my lively hood and yet you still thought it was me, don't you think it was awful enough they talked to my boss first, and then asked me accusing question, like I was a criminal.
You stole everything from me, my life, my youth and you even stole my best and only friend just to punish me.
I don't understand how one day you woke up and decided to date someone who just uses you and gave her everything we worked so hard for.
You lost your whole family for some trailer trash.
One day I hope you wake up and realize you made a huge mistake.
I'll be waiting for your apology, because once you read this letter you will know who you are and what you did.
Always M
