You Miss Me? An open letter to my ex-narc.

Subject: You Miss Me? An open letter to my ex-narc.
From: A Narcissist's EX wife
Date: 1 Jun 2016

You sent me a message saying “I miss you.” I’d like to say “I told ya so! I knew you would miss me!” However, I know that’s not true. You see, I’ve become a bit of a sideline expert on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), thanks to you. When the therapist in 2010 told me her suspicions that you are one of the less than 2% of the population who suffers from NPD, I researched NPD – reading countless articles and literature on it. And suddenly, all the misery you put me through during our "marriage" made sense. Only, the therapist was wrong on one point. YOU were not “suffering” from NPD. You merely HAVE it. It’s the rest of us around you who suffered from your having it. I learned and accepted a very hard reality in 2010. You NEVER loved me - because you are not capable of unconditional love. You only use people. To you, people are only good for what they can provide you. If someone can no longer provide good to you, or boost your ego enough, they are “devalued and discarded.” Just like every one of the guys you used to play role playing games with. Just like all the members at the many churches you have left over the years. Just like your best friend from 2010, whom I know you haven’t spoken with in years. Just like your oldest child, who doesn’t even realize yet that she is being (has been?) discarded by you :-( All because she set her boundaries with you, and you can’t control her anymore. But me….you kept me for years because I provided you a life where you could sit on your butt all day and play World of Warcraft, answering to no one (because you didn't have a job). You didn’t stay married to me because you loved me. You stayed married to me because you loved the LIFE you had while married to me. You simply tolerated me in it, as long as you could control me anyways. But when I started to wise up to your “games” and stand up for myself, it killed you to lose control over me. You went on a mission to DESTROY me and TAKE what you knew I would no longer provide for you when I became your EX-wife (but you failed miserably – because I am under HIS wings ~ Psalm 91:4). There have been times when I wondered if you’ve finally given up trying to destroy me, but I will never let my guard down when it comes to you. I have been warned that, just like Walter Keane (another Narc whose lies were exposed by his ex-wife), you will probably take your bitterness against me to your grave – and you will try to destroy me again any time you even THINK you have the opportunity to do so. So every "attack" you have made on me...and every attack you will make on me - I EXPECT it.

But there was one time when you did EXACTLY what “they” said “you” (the narc) would do, and it absolutely blew my mind. You sent me a message telling me you miss me – YEARS after our divorce was final. They told me you would do it one day (“most narcs do”). I said “no way!” And I especially didn’t expect it to come within 5 weeks of another one of your (failed) attempts to destroy me. But there it was in black in white (or, black & blue?) – right there in our Talking Parents account. “I MISS YOU.” A NORMAL (healthy) person would have preceded the “I miss you” message with some sort of apology for doing the things you did to me. But not you. You just said “I miss you” and tried to “talk” with me as if we could be friends again. As if nothing ever happened. But I am no fool! I know you don’t miss ME. You never have, and you never will. What you the money and the lifestyle you had while you were with me. But I know you have never missed ME.

So, go find some other naïve girl to provide the lifestyle you want, because I am wise to your manipulation tactics, and will never fall for them again. My husband is wise to them too. Do you really think he doesn’t know about the message you recently sent severely criticizing him? Oh, he knows. But he was still nice to you at our daughter’s middle school graduation last week, because that’s just who he is (the exact opposite of you!). But make no mistake…just like me, he will NEVER trust you or be your friend. And YOU cannot come between me and my husband. Your attempts to break us down only make us stronger. Your latest message telling me I "could have done better," just made me love my husband even more. Because HE would never send such nastiness as you did in your message that day. Make no mistake, I am not "stuck" with him. You, of all people, should know I don't "get stuck" in a marriage, dear EX ;) But it is partly because of you that I appreciate my husband, and his love, so much. Every time your ugliness surfaces, I love and appreciate my husband even more!

You’ve managed to do just about everything else “they” said you (the narc) would do, including the “suicide text” to me – as if I would care enough to talk you out of it? Nope! I was told you would do it one day, so when you did, I saw it for exactly what it was…just another pathetic manipulation tactic, and I did not lose any sleep that night. So I have come to EXPECT for you to be the “predictable narcissist.” I EXPECT so much hate and bitterness from you. I EXPECT a nasty message from you every time I log in to the Talking Parents account (I bet there is one in there now!). I know that the rare times you are “nice,” it’s all a con, and it never lasts long, so I have come to EXPECT the “good times” will not last. I have learned to EXPECT that you will not be there emotionally or financially for our kids (and I was not surprised when you didn't even bother to show up for our youngest child's fifth grade graduation last week). I EXPECT you will continue to use our kids to try to hurt me. I EXPECT you will continue to tell everyone you can that I am crazy. You violate the protective court order to email me to tell me your boss, pastor, and your “friends” (of the day) think I am crazy, as if it will bother me. But guess what? I don’t care! Bitter is as bitter does! Your boss, pastor, and “friends” are probably sick and tired of hearing you rant about me…just like our children are! And every time you show your bitterness again, I thank God that I am not with you anymore – and I am even more thankful for the life and loving husband I have now…and I smile even bigger :D

So if you ever stumble across this, know that I am ON to you. And know that you are not hurting me with your actions. I expect no better from you. Because of all the damage you have done and tried to do, I will NEVER trust you. Neither I, nor my husband, nor anyone in my family will ever be friends with you. You are just like every other Narcissist out there (you are NOT unique!), and you are wasting your time trying your manipulation tactics on any of us.