Dear World,
I was only three when I felt different from other girls. I played with the toys and wore the clothes of a girl, but I felt…weird. Uncomfortable. Alienated. The first time I got to choose my own toy, I picked out a hot wheels set from a white elephant sale. Mom yelled at me, so I started playing with polly pockets instead. I still felt like that was wrong. I developed depression, anxiety, felt isolated even among my closest friends, I started self harming and having suicidal thoughts.
It wasn’t until I started experimenting with drag at age 16 that I began to feel more in my place. I came out as bigender at age 19. I still felt depressed and I managed to get myself to stop cutting, but the urges wouldn’t stop.
It wasn’t until I came out as female to male transgender that things began to look up. I cleaned out my wardrobe; out went the skirts and the dresses and the corsets- along with them went the depression, the cutting urges, the suicidal thoughts, etc. I began to feel happier, freer, more me-like. I finally have my own life!
Now, lemme just put this out there- being transgender has nothing to do with being mentally ill. Being forced to be a girl made me miserable and unhappy. Once I came out, I didn’t need the antidepressants anymore. Everyone around me noticed a dramatic change in my emotions. However, if there are those of you shaking your heads and saying it’s all mental illness- what IS mental illness? According to Psych 101, mental illness is characterized by being a danger to yourself or to others, as well as having something interfere with your everyday life.
If any of you still have any doubts, lemme ask you, what’s more mentally ill? Letting people be themselves, or forcing people to be miserable? I’ll leave you with that question!
Have a nice day everyone!
