I know not all men are bad or good. Some are in the area of "grey". I read everything that you send no matter what. The times that you say to no longer talk to you. I respect it an I do not, even if I find myself wanting to send just that one message.
You think that were bad for each other because we disagree an argue a lot. That isn't nessisarely a bad thing. Considering the fact that were "polar" opposites from one another. It's something that should not come to a surprise. However the fact that I "keep" you on your toes "should" be a good thing.
You seem to believe that I do not love you at all. That I only love or "like the idea of you". As much as I disagree because I know in my heart. That I do actually love you that it is true. Now if I only "liked" the "idea" of you. Then that would make you an "idea". Something or someone that I haven't met. Almost like my dream girl. I don't have a dream girl. So you must not be only an "idea" that I like.
I can honestly say yea I am not even close to the "perfect" guy. However I'm not even the "ideal" guy. I have more problems then most. However I've never actually not been there in the times you have called. Yes maybe I haven't been there in times of need. That you didn't call me with. That I could've maybe tried harder to know they were going on.
You say that you wanted this to work. You send these things that explain how you feel. But in reaility if you were honest with yourself. You wouldn't read stuff an then base them on how I feel myself. Off of an article that you could kinda relate to. Then after "tell me" what my feelings are.
If I were to be completely honest you don't know. I could tell you that "I love you" an I have. Even if in the moment I might not think I know what love truely is. However I wouldn't tell you this if I didn't sincerely mean what I said. After all the heart break I've delt with in reality of being cheated on I shouldn't trust I woman that is coming to me cheating on another. Even if it's just a few kisses. Even if you were still in love with me. That you tell me your taking time off to "think". I'm sure it's not something he knows or wants to know your doing.
Which yes that is one of the million reason I can think of why we should not be together. However aslong as I can still think of one reason why we should. None of that other stuff matters to me. I personally don't care what people think about me. Nore do I care if my friends might not like you. This is because if they were my friends then they wouldn't care aslong as I'm happy; they should tolerate you if that's what they have to do.
Now let's get back to you. Telling me how I feel when in reality your wrong. You tell me this because even though you say that you want this so badly, always wanted it to work out. I'm not saying you don't want it too either. What I am saying is that even though I am who I am. It's not me who is stoping this whatever it is or isn't that we have together. It's who it is stopping it because me as who I am. A man that hides his feelings so deep that the only time you can tell how I feel is when I make love to you. Doesn't mean that I don't feel it. It means that after everything we have been threw it is you.
It is you who is just to afraid of it not working out. I know this because of me being that type of man an being told I have 30 minutes to make it to a place that your at. To defend my case which I don't do. Which I drove 110mph all the way there an ran threw every red light. Not caring how it could end. I made it there an I told you how I felt. I told you that "I loved you". Which got me no where out of it all. Which is why there is no reason to be that man I am not.
To be that man in the "Notebook" to be "Noah" to be the "prince charming" no matter how much I want to be. However this is because the "good guy" even if he isn't the "best" guy never comes out on top.
Now to stop getting side tracked with how I feel back to you now. You are afraid since you haven't even said "I love you" so how can you tell me how I feel. You have a man that your in a "relationship" with. The question is how can you be in love with him. If your still in "love" with me? We will all take the time to remember what happen in the "Notebook" so we know how that would end.
You say we wouldn't work out but in reality your the one who calls me. I'm not the one who really calls you needing anything important. No I'm not gonna lie I've been drunk an called you maybe wanting to know an understand why? However again I'm not the "best" guy but who really is? It's my calls not yours that go unanswered. Not the other way around.
Your the one you calls me when you have "problems". So you would think that you would talk to your "boyfriend" that you have so many more "happy" memories with. However no you call me to "talk" an drive 30 minutes so you can do that. At 1 a.m so that doesn't really sound "odd" in any way. That the "one" that you've always hoped would work out. You should tell all your problems too. Why bother if I apparently to you "don't" care but I pay for the gas so you can make the trip. Well I honestly can't say I know what to tell you at this point.
Other then you come to "talk" to me because you need someone that will give you their "honest" advise even if you don't want to hear it. Well maybe that's why we argue so much. Maybe it's because I care so much that I'm giving advise about another man. To a women that I love. Even if my advise is that because you say you don't want to sleep with him. That also you think things he wants are to fast. That personally you should just end it. Even without the factor that you "think" you love me.
I guess in reality I myself can go on an on. About this subject an how I feel because it is personal. However I think I'll leave my advise to the "women" an "men" of our world.
So women an men I can honestly tell you this. If your in love with either a "man" or "woman" that doesn't know what he/she actually wants. Just remember this "I'm sorry for you" because rememeber we are all "human". So just keep trying if you think that's what you want to do. Keep chasing him/her. Just remember that the heart brake will only be worse. So just make sure it's worth the "love story". That honestly deep down we all want. Let me know what you think.
Sincerely, True Loving