Dear U KNOW WHO YOU R,
So, four months down from the Discovery Day and a month and a half after publishing my first letter to you I decided to re-read it. Retrospectively, I can see there were a lot of anger, bitterness and hurt in me, not surprising though. I was a bit naive and emotional and raw, asking endless questions and blaming you for everything. Your reasons for having an affair with my husband are only known to you and I have no desire to find them out anymore.
At the time it felt easier to blame everything on you because if I blamed him I would have hated him to the point of no return. I was not ready to do this, as deep down I still loved him and was not prepared to let him go. But now I understand that you did not make him do anything, he chose to be unfaithful and break his marriage vowels. Part of the recovery process in any marital relationship is the ability to acknowledge by both parties the betrayer’s responsibility for the affair; only then one can forgive and move on.
I understand now that the affair wasn't about you at all. You were convenient and turned up at the right time, nothing more. I still think, however, that if you didn't contact him he wouldn’t have proactively sought any emotional or physical release elsewhere. Under the circumstances he would have probably had a nervous breakdown or our relationship would have ended in any case, so in a way you have done us a favour.
In the aftermath I regret not getting outside help, but having read lots of professional advice online unbelievably things are much clearer now for both of us and we have found answers to many of our questions. Surprisingly, we are not unique and there are couples all over the world going through the same s**t due to the exact same reasons. I recommend advice found on the website ‘aboutaffairs.com’, not that you probably need it, as I am sure you were not affected by it in the same way, you walked away from it with your life intact. But I urge anyone who is in the same situation as me to get professional help!
Since December life has been an emotional roller-coaster for our family and we are not out of the woods yet. So you might want to ask ‘how are things now?’. Well, he is trying really hard to get our lives back on track. I am still getting flashbacks and frequently obsessing about it all, which apparently is a totally normal reaction and also part of the healing process. The nightmare has not gone away just yet but we are prepared to wait and are working on it.
The reason for writing to you again is to let you know that I have now decided how I want to proceed with my life. Also that you are not in charge of my emotions and I am not giving you any more space in my mind and not letting you control it. I am freeing myself from the blame game and trying to live in the present and move forward. I am not wasting any more energy on you. I am letting you go!
ID NOT REQUIRED
