(not dear) Russian President Putin, I am just a middle-schooler kid who is old enough to know that you are a lunatic - because thousands of innocent Ukrainian people are dying AT YOUR HANDS while I am typing this. To clarify, my dad is publishing this letter for me because I am not old enough to do it myself, although I was old enough to write this letter and to tell you what I think. I hope you enjoy it. Let's be sure we are on the same page off the bat: I hope you die a horrible, slow death because you are a lunatic whose country's failing economy and broken morale recently led you to a mental breakdown and to a decision to kill the Ukrainian people - because they are an easy prey. When my dad showed me the live feed of your ballistic rockets killing innocent people in Ukraine's capital Kyiv last night, I asked him to explain. He explained as follows:
"Son, Ukraine is a sovereign country that wants to be a democracy. But Putin is a dictator who was a KGB agent in USSR and got really lucky and became the president, and then was corrupt enough to stay the president indefinitely. Putin failed miserably at running the Russian economy; failed at befriending just-about every country on Earth; failed at sufficiently corrupting the Ukrainian government to join him in his Lunacy; failed at being popular among the Russian people so badly that he had to imprison or poison every one of his political opponents like Khodorkovsky and Navalny; and succeeded at only one thing - stealing money from his citizens and building a presidential cabinet full of like-minded, failure-focused, corrupt criminals. In the end, Putin has become so unsuccessful and so lonely and depressed that he decided to fabricate a story about Ukrainians being really bad people - who Putin claims are not even people - and to start killing them in order to distract his followers and all the Russians from his failures and from his country's looming demise."
When my dad said this, I first laughed because I thought he was joking, but then I cried (but I will tell you later why I cried). I then watched about 6 hours worth of news in the USA and in Russia and in Ukraine (I am lucky - I speak all three languages). I chatted online with dozens of random kids in the USA and in Russia and in Ukraine... and I spoke with my centenarian grandpa who fought Nazis in World War Two... and I read about 80 pages of biographical summaries written about you... and as a result some things became clear to me: First and foremost, you are a coward. If you were anything more, you would have picked on someone your own size - like another country with nukes, for example. Second, you are a liar. You lied your way into Georgia. You lied your way into Kazakhstan. You lied your way into Belarus. And you lied your way into Belarus. You made the people in charge (e.g. Lukashenko, Yanukovich) rich, and you despised and/or killed everyone else. You made billions on oil futures this week because only you knew that you would begin a war against Ukraine. And you are hiding money you stole from your country in dozens of offshore accounts under names of other people, which is why you are not afraid of any war sanctions personally. Third, you say you want to cleanse - or "de-nazify" - Ukraine? How dare you? Ukrainians and Russians, side by side with many others, lost over 20 million people fighting German Nazis during World War Two; "de-nazifying" Ukrainians is like performing exorcism on Jesus. You are not getting senile, are you, Mr. Putin? Did you forget that the Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky (yes, the one you are trying to catch and kill right at this moment) is a Jew? Is he a Nazi as well? No - you are, Mr. Putin. Fourth, you have insulted the intelligence of your constituents for nearly three decades now, and the only reason they keep voting for you is because you are a very good liar who is good at fabricating the news by using your state-controlled media. Fifth, the Russian people are living in fear, have no rights, no money, and no hope. Have you looked carefully in the eyes of your ministers when you asked each of them personally to affirm that you should send troops to attack Ukraine? I did - it is all on YouTube. Their eyes are full of fear, uncertainty, regret and shame... but their mouths are shut because they know you will kill or hurt them if they disagree with you, just like you are now killing the Ukrainian people for wanting to be a democracy. How is this war going to end? I don't know. But I will tell you why I cried when my dad explained this war to me. I cried because I know that tens, if not hundreds of thousands of people will die... and I know that you will feel no remorse when you look into the eyes of mothers of the Russian soldiers who will come back home in plastic bags... and I know that you don't mind the idea of seeing hungry people in the streets of Russian cities when - ten years from now - Russia is still cut off from the rest of the world behind the iron curtain and your economy is still gridlocked in severe sanctions from what you did to the Ukrainians. How do you imagine your grand-kids and grand-grand-kids will remember you when they learn about all your failures and crimes as a president and as a human? Do you even care? I suppose not. You know, this is the point where I am supposed to beg you to stop the war, right? No sir - you are not getting this from me: I am not standing on my knees to ask you anything. You will get what you deserve - both from the Ukrainian people and from the Russian people - sooner or later. Now, a modest lesson in history. You say that Ukrainian people are not a real people and that Russians created them? Let me remind you, Mr. Know It All - Kyiv was nearly 700 years old when a small village called Moscow was founded, which explains why the oldest historical Russia is known as Kievan Rus. Can you read? The first word refers to today's name of the capital of Ukraine (a very real city that's over 1500 years old), and the second word is the root of the word Russia. Are you with me? Kyiv was here before anyone heard the word Russia. Zoom out: if anyone created anyone, Ukrainians created Russians and not the other way around. That is why even if you manage to subdue these glorious people, you will not break their pride and will fail miserably at making them believe (or even say) that you or Lenin or Stalin created them, and they will take back everything you take from them in the course of the war you started last week... and probably a lot more... and I wish I were old enough to come help them. In conclusion, here is what my Ukrainian grandfather - who is 104 years old and fought back every inch of the Nazi occupation in the USSR from 1941 to 1945 (mostly in Russia, by the way - side by side with your parents) and lost two legs and an arm - told me after he read this letter before my dad published it for me:
"My boy, it is very sad that you have to write this, but someone should, and it might as well be you. Putin needs a good psychiatrist. But I'll get to that later. Now, long after I am already dead, when you grow up and have your own kids, you will be watching TV and seeing Russian people living in shame and despised by the rest of the civilized world. It will be because of what Putin and his minions are doing to Ukraine in 2022, instead of retiring ten years earlier, starting to see a really good shrink, and spending more time fishing."
So, yes, Mr. Putin - you will die a horrible, slow death, and it is unfortunate that this is the only punishment you will get for the pain and suffering you have caused this humanity.