It's been a year with no contact, but i still remember everything i said that night. My words won't choke me anymore. I was a fool, really. First, for believing that we would ever had anything, because now i see that i was only a thing for you to pass your time. Maybe a toy for your amusement, or maybe even less than that. You were bored in your relationship, i was available. It was the perfect match, i admit. Things seemed well when the ghost of your girlfriend didn't have a face, a name, or a social media account. Sometimes i wish i didn't ease the curiosity, that i didn't flirt first that day, that i hadn't liked you like i did. Then i found her social media account, just like you wanted, from all the clues, i finally did. Comparision does kill, i died at least hundred times since i saw her, since i saw you two togheter. I shouldn't have put me in the position for you to hurt me and yet i did. I shouldn't had put another woman in the position to get hurt and yet, i did. I will no longer beat myself up, i know it was wrong. I don't know if i can call it a mistake, because for me, since the start, it was a conscious choice. We both chose it. You chose to cheat, i chose to be the other. The guilt should be the worst part of this but it's not, neither is the shame. The worst part of this is the grief that came along with everything we promised each other. The grief for what could had been if things were just different, "if only you would not been with her, if only we lived closer, if only, if only, if only", i'm throught with it. You said you were getting back to her, not that you were in a three year relationship with her when we first started talking. You made me believe that we actually had a chance of happening. I made everything you wanted just so i could keep you. I kept myself quiet, i kept myself patient. Well, i shouldn't and i won't ever again. This words will never reach you, but the important thing here is that they are mine, and not what i wrote so i could make you satisfied. They are mine. They came from my heart, from my mind, from what exactly i was feeling when i wrote them. Part of me does want to come back just to see, but i know that it will be no good. Here's the thing if you are thinking, about to, or still is someone's "other woman", "mistress" or "lover": STOP IT! You can and should do it. He will never leave her for you. She will never be the problem. She was here first. They have something that you simply will never get in between. He is doing it because he is the one lacking something, not her. You are not better, prettier, hotter or whatever love bullshit he said to keep you. Stop these mysogynistics thoughts coming because of him. He is the problem, not her. Man should not come in between us woman. And i know this may sound like the most outrageous thing coming from someone who put herself in the position to be someone's else lover. Well, i did and i learned. You can too. It's simple not worth it. Not worth the comparision, not worth the pain, not worth the tears, not worth the drama. And yes, you will want to come back, but you don't. Remember everything you are feeling now and that's all you need. There is someone else who is not taken, don't rush love. And so what if he was evrything you wanted? If in that moment, he sounded and looked like the love of your life? If he was exactly like your dream man, almost as if he was sent from heaven because he was exactly what you wanted? He was not, and it is time to move on. Don't think that she won't see through him at some point, she will. Gather the courage and leave or the next one is you.
As the other woman, as your lover, your willing accomplice. I was not more than a woman, as i had thought.
Subject: As the other woman, as your lover, your willing accomplice. I was not more than a woman, as i had thought.
From: Your love, at least in the night.
Date: 17 Nov 2022