Woah, here I am writing this letter to you, an "Open Letter" if you will. You know I am not good with words or expressing certain feelings so here's to hoping that this helps not only you and I, but others as well. As you can imagine, this took weeks to accomplish (you know how my mind races) and I can hear you saying, "I am so proud of you" your voice always did get me through the toughest battles I have in my head. Like so many others before us and after us, we have our moments, moments of anger and irritability. Man, you really can drive m up a wall. I'm sure you feel the same about me at times. And then, Husband, there are the other times.
You know the times when you hold me because I am hyperventilating. Those times when you tell me "It's going to be okay" when I swear it wont be. The days you give me strength, even when I don't have the energy to brush my hair, my teeth, take a shower, or get out of bed. When I am so lost in my depression and anxiety and you bring logic to current battles I am facing. The times when you truly fulfill your "For Better Or Worse" vow.
Anyone who suffers from Anxiety, Depression, or PTSD can agree that we fight crazy battles in our head all day everyday. Most days unable to connect with the "normal" world around us, let alone make time for our significant others. The bad days seem to be present more than the good days. We beat ourselves up and most of the time we make it more about our personal feelings and hardly realize what we are doing to people around us. How did I get lucky enough to find someone who loves me this way? Who makes sure that I make it through the day and makes sure I go to bed knowing I am safe and loved? I'll never be worthy of you but I know God had a plan for me, and His plan was YOU!
Every single day it's about me. How is my WIFE feeling, what is going to trigger my WIFE and send her into a week long depression, what can I do to help my WIFE. How in the world you have dealt with that these past 2 years of our marriage, I'll never know. What I can tell you is that I am so GRATEFUL. I am beyond blessed with a Husband so understanding and patient. Most of all, I have been blessed with a Husband so SELFLESS. I know that as exhausting as handling a mental illness is for me, it is equally exhausting for you. What I ask of you is this, take care of your mind, body, and soul. Don't feel so guilty, go on walks alone! Walk down the beach and clear your mind! Hell, go see a movie and leave me in bed for a few hours, I can't bare to ask you to be here 100% of the time for all those anxiety attacks and issues I face daily. I know you need time too.
I want to publicly thank you for loving me and supporting me. I want to publicly thank all the men and woman who take time and patient love to support their spouse who suffer like I do, we don't say it often but we are eternally grateful for you. To my Husband, the man who helps me get up everyday, I hope this letter brings your handsome face happy smiles, and fills your heart with appreciation because you are so deserving. One day, good days will come more often than the bad days and I can't wait for that. I love you, all of you. Forever. <3
