I feel compelled to write this letter after meeting a work colleague who had essentially shut up shop emotionally and chosen to live out his days on a barge in solitude. I don't want my opening sentence to sound as though deciding to live in a barge is 'the end of your life', rather that I heard his story from a friend who informed me he had once been in love with a women but things hadn't worked out and he had never gotten over it and then decided to isolate himself.
I too had my first serious love when I was in my mid-20s and needless to say that didn't work out, so I know how heartbreaking and depressing that time can be. But I've never understood how some people can just seem to drop out of life and settle into feeling miserable on a daily basis. If anything you should want to be on the pursuit for that feeling again, with someone who is right for you!
So this letter is for all those people who feel as though they do not deserve love or don't feel capable of giving it. It isn't unusual to have a bad day, where you feel a bit worthless but the fact I always come round to is 'do you really want to look back on your life and regret living it in sadness?'. Of course there are always decisions I regret...I'm not one to approach a woman in the street, I'd much rather it were the movie style idea of us both catching each others stare and walking away in appreciation. But I am learning! Learning to take risks in life and put myself into some uncomfortable situations in order to see if anything good comes out of them.
An example of this is deciding to take up acting lessons. I am by no means fooling myself into thinking I could be a leading man but I an hoping it will help with how I hold myself and give me confidence. Now you might think I am deviating from the topic of closing your heart off to love, but I don't think I am. After all love is all around us, it is in food, drink, friendship, hobbies and of course with a partner. So by opening yourself up to these experiences and doing the things you love, you are likely to meet someone who has similar interests who you might get on with.
Doing these things are all examples of self-love, we've all heard that you have to 'love yourself before you can love someone else' and it is true to an extent. If you are wracked by insecurity then you are going to struggle letting someone else in. Therefore do not judge others for seeming to be uninterested in you but try and improve yourself so that not only are you more comfortable in your skin but in the hope that this will allow you to be your true self around others.
Remember that no one is perfect however they may be perceived...Hollywood is more smoke and mirrors than ever...everything is photoshopped and adjusted to create a false idea of how beautiful people look. So do not be unrealistic in your goals in love and know that the bits that don't work are our quirky and loveable bits.
Overall I may have waffled on but the crux of what I am writing is that you have to not give up hope on love and on yourself! The biggest crime someone can make is to give up on life and not live it to its fullest. You might make some mistakes on the way but rather that than being depressed and alone in your living room with a microwave meal.
Someone who has been there