Hello Beautiful,
This is an open letter to those who are feeling dark emotions on a high level and trapped living in the past or filled with anxiety about living in the future. This is the letter that I wish I read when I was going through my darkest days in hospital and needed some sort of hope, away from the judgment, labels and prescription drugs I was surrounded by from the doctors and nurses.
Firstly my lovely you are not alone, you are oh so loved and you have a purpose in this big beautiful world that you need to shine light on, but you just don’t know it yet. For now its time for you to stop every thing that you are doing and take this precious time to look after yourself. Imagine if you are a car and you are driving people around all day, picking them up, dropping them off to places doing it over and over again with out a pit stop or to pull over. You are exhausting yourself and all of a sudden you are out of petrol because you are constantly giving your self to others, giving your energy away to your thoughts and what results depression.
So now I beg you to stop driving for a while, put the keys on the hook for now and just simply surrender. You’re going to feel these emotions strongly and that’s ok remember you are loved. The ticking irritations of anxiety, the pacing around the house, the fortune telling in your mind, the deep sickening thoughts of just not wanting to live another day, the sadness that flickers in your eyes, the moments of frustration and anger for feeling these feelings and the guilt you may have on your family, and after all of this you are still loved. Know that.
People are going to tell you that “this is the way it’s always going to be” and “you will have to live like this for the rest of your life” and I promise you that they are so wrong, that past these emotions, fears, judgments and hurt you can live a life to your full potential and those dreams you have can come true. When you start to nurture yourself with healthy foods, and practice some self love, and not to buy into the doctors words like bible, then you can heal, but just give your self time first.
I remind you that people want to help you, the doctors and nurses want to keep you alive, the medication may help but always follow that inner intuition as you will always know best how your body feels.
Some days will feel good and others will be tough but ride the wave of emotions until you find a balance, find a support group, be vulnerable with your emotions, speak openly and with truth, meditate, do yoga, feed the soul with things that you love to do.
My biggest message to you is you are not your depression you are not these funky emotions that live through your body. You will get through this and on the other side is a place of your true awakening. They say the bigger the breakdown the bigger the break through, so ask yourself what lessons are you learning? Take it as a time for personal growth. Suffering is necessary as it helps you to evolve, if you do not suffer, as a human being there would be no depth to you. So go easy on yourself, feel into the highs and lows, don’t just numb the feeling with a drug straight away, or mask it with alcohol, or binge eat. Instead learn from each moment like it’s a little blessing.
Things are going to get better, it is only a small time in your life that you may feel this way, its your body screaming out for love and attention so give it what it craves and watch the powerful effects of the inner love.
You are never alone beautiful, I will be here by your side and when you make it out the other side you will shine so bright you will light up the entire world. Because we don’t want to loose you, we need you on this earth.
Love + Light,
Your soulsister Nikki xo
