It was just like all the other appointments. I had dreaded going to this one just as much. Only it was worse. After being in therapy for four years I was getting a new therapist. My last one had made my life quite miserable. I could only imagine what this one would do. But I sat in you office for the first time refusing to say a word. You didn't get mad. You talked to me almost like I was responding to you. you played games and waited until I finally decided to participate. You had so much patience. I couldn't help but start to open up to you. You made me feel safe. You made me want to get better. One session I was feeling a bit discouraged. I had self-harmed once again and I just knew there was no way for me to get better. and I thought for sure you would give up on me just like I had given up on myself. I had tried so hard for months not to disappoint you and mess up. for the first time in my life, I had had some people who believed in me and I was so terrified of losing that. you tried so hard with me. Promised me as long as I was honest with you that you would not send me back to the hospital. But on that particular day, I was suicidal. You looked at me. I must have had tears in my eyes because you seemed to want to make it better. You said one sentence that made it all better. I told you that I wanted to die. You replied back that sadly you knew I did but you didn't want me to die. I said something that I can't completely remember, but it had something to do with self-harm. I remember you responded so well though. "You are worth more than self- harming." that's all you said. At the time I hated that response. It made me feel like I had let you down. You reassured me. I still to this day when I feel like self-harming that response makes me rethink it all. You pushed me to get better and you cared for me and showed me compassion when I couldn't give myself that. You saved my life. You made me feel worth it.
