We've always been close, you and I. Well, really, about since the time I was twelve, I suppose. You've always followed me around, breathing down my neck, just waiting for me to mess something up.
I wish I could just live my life without you. It hurts so much when I'm trying and you sit behind me, eating your popcorn, telling me that I am not trying hard enough. You make me scared. I spend my days worrying, "Will I go to college?" "If I get accepted to college, will I be able to pay for it?" "My friend told me she wants to kill herself, but she says that all the time, and nothing ever comes of it. How do we know if this time is just a threat or not?" "Am I really okay, or am I just supposed to be okay?"
I hate that you make me question everything. I even doubt myself. It's obvious that no one cares about me, I mean, no one is dating me. It's obvious that I'm not capable of being good; I'm behind on schoolwork. It's obvious that I can't sing, 'cuz I hit that sour note once. I'm so sick and tired of hating myself and being so afraid all of the time. I just want to be free from you, Stress.
Day in and day out, I suffer by your hand. About one a semester, I hit rock-bottom emotionally. I really need a good cry. I'm so scared and angry and sad all the time.
It's sad that a lot of adults don't believe that you're actually valid. But that's what I have to deal with-- you, piling up all over me and no one believing it.
Thank you for reading, Stress. I'm glad you understand.
