Dear Taylor,
You don’t know me and why should you? One of us is a global superstar and the other a writer and journalism graduate so the chances are we most likely will never meet. Yet, while casually surfing my Twitter feed, the other day I discovered some saddening and surprisingly personal news. This came courtesy of yourself, a superstar singer, who has announced to your legions of fans that your mum, Andrea, has been diagnosed with an, as yet, unspecified form of cancer. In a heartfelt statement to them via your personal Tumblr you wrote: ‘The results came in, and I’m saddened to tell you that my mom has been diagnosed with cancer.’ You and I are actually the same age, 25, and despite our lives being polar opposites I know exactly how it feels when your beloved mother tells you this god awful information. As a writer, I normally write down most of what happens to me in order to process thoughts, just like how you process many life events through your amazing music. Unusually for me, at the time I was unable and unwilling to put pen to paper, or to be specific, fingers to keys and talk about what happened.
I was in my first year of university when a routine mammogram became the start of a long, painful journey. My mother and I have a complex, but close relationship and she is normally the person I turn to for advice, for comfort, for anything really. She is normally not given over to displays of emotion so I remember feeling shocked at just how much she was letting her guard down. I told university, packed my bags and made my way home where the next day we would head to the hospital for her biopsy results. The news was less than pleasant and I remember sitting in the waiting room, just watching the clock, as the minutes ticked by. When she had been in there for over 20 minutes I knew that it was not good news. Doctors do not normally waste time on nothing, so I prepared myself to hear the word cancer.
The first thing everyone thinks when it comes to cancer is: ‘Am I going to lose my wife, husband, mother, son, daughter?’ We all know that it is a serious disease and people unfortunately do die. Finally, after an almost unbearably long time the consulting room door opened and she walked out looking very pale. She immediately went to the bathroom ostensibly to use the toilet, but she later told me she was sick. My proud, upstanding beautiful mother waited until we were in the car then, as her tears flowed down her bone-white face, I held her hand all the way home despite the pain it caused my twisted wrist.
Her type of cancer (DCIS – ductal carcinoma in situ) had not yet developed into a lump or caused advanced symptoms, but it did mean that she had no option but to have the breast, including the nipple, removed. She already knew of two ladies who had undergone an operation to remove only the affected breast who had, after a couple of years, undergone the whole procedure again when cancer appeared in the remaining breast. Reading the support forums also showed this to be the case, and as she did not want to spend her life with that possibility along with the accompanying worry for herself and her family, elected to have a double mastectomy. Typical of her, she considered it would be easier not to be reminded of what she had lost every time she looked at the remaining breast. Bra fitting and prosthesis matching would also be easier and now she wears a ‘beanie boob’ (like a bean bag) as she can exercise and squash them unlike silicone forms.
In fact, when she is in the house she often does not wear her forms and comments that it is actually quite freeing, especially in hot weather. She was offered the chance of reconstructive surgery but did not want to put any foreign substance into her body and various other forms of surgery had resulted in some real horror stories on the support forums. Lack of movement and operations 2-3 years down the line – no thank you. Funny thing was she had always said ‘if only I could take some of my tummy and put it up top’ but when it came to the crunch she declined. It was interesting that her consultant, when she requested the double mastectomy, commented that he and other consultants he knew were frequently being asked to do that.
cancer awareness ribbons
There are many, many different types of cancer.
I was only 23 at the time and couldn’t bear the idea of having both breasts removed because, for me, they are an important aspect of your figure, and later on a crucial way to bond with your baby; ultimately she decided what was best for her and in all likelihood it was. The other thing that people don’t tell you, Taylor is just how angry you will be. Yes, it was my mother going through this horrific surgery to potentially save her life, but I was furious, short tempered and utterly hated telling people because telling them this hellish information made it real. I recall being in a pub one evening and watching people laughing, having fun and enjoying themselves and wanting to scream: ‘Have some respect, my mother could die!’ She would send me medical information on the procedure, the after effects and I faithfully read it with hot tears blurring all the words. I sent copies of her hospital letters to university and they suggested I take a six month break because I could barely function.
Following the operation, and the removal of two lymph nodes under her arm which showed that the cancer had not spread, so no further treatment was necessary, she said she felt that she had got off lightly! As an aside, study of her good breast showed that the cancer cells were there but were still too small to be picked up via the mammogram. My mother is strong, far stronger than most people and she is funny, very intelligent and talented, so despite our many differences I love her to bits. I still struggle with seeing her scars and for a long time would avert my eyes if she took her top off to change, cuddling her is sometimes uncomfortable as you can often feel bone. Once she asked me: ‘Does this mean I am any less of a woman?’ I emphatically reassured her no – being a woman isn’t about your breasts, vagina or even how many children you have given birth to. It is how you carry yourself when faced with adversity.
This disease is absolutely horrendous, but it also brings people together and you really see just how much people care. For instance, my mother is a very modest person and claimed she had ‘close acquaintances, not friends.’ I would beg to differ after our living room began to look like a luxury florist. Andrea Swift has allowed her very private diagnosis to be made public in order to highlight the importance of visiting your doctor regularly. She has admitted that you had asked her at Christmas to undergo a health check even though she felt fine, she is also encouraging children to bug their parents to keep an eye on their health.
For millions of fans you are a role model, superstar singer and fashion icon, but for your mum you are firstly a beloved daughter. I know that right now you may be feeling anger, confusion, sadness, worry, uncertainty and yet more anger just like I did. I also know that you have thousands of people thinking about you, and more importantly, the whole Swift family. From one 25-year-old daughter, who has experienced what the C word really means, to another who is embarking on her own difficult experience involving a loved one and their own diagnosis, I wish you all the very, very best.
Love,
Kirsty
