The night was perfect. The moonlight kept us sober despite the alcohol prepped on the smooth wooden table. We were two twinkling stars of the night shining oh-so brightly. So bright that we'd make the perfect astrology. It was amazing. So amazing that we'd own these memories to ourselves. The embrace I've longed for, you seem perfect to provide it without hesitations. It was passionate; it was undoubtedly magical. We can watch the clouds and stars shower upon us. I desperately wished this was the night- the perfect night to fall in love.
Sadly, I was the only one who hoped for it. I was the only one who starred in the film I thought we both directed. But I had to be okay. I was /okay/.
We continued our journey. It was those late night conversations that kept us walking even 'til midnight. You were holding me close. Much closer. I've felt you were clinging onto me. Your voice kept me warm all throughout those cold lonely nights. I never got tired of it. I did not get tired of you. You were my greatest blessing. You were my bliss; my absolute inspiration in this world struggling with depression. You- yes, you. You WERE my heaven. We laughed our hearts out, as loud as the crickets sing next to those empty lots. I've treasured every second, every minute we had- I did. How about you? Damn truth be told! Tell me you did. Yet, who knew these playful dates would come to an end? Who knew that I've always been the playground you'd grow tired of? Who knew that what we thought of as a 'possibility' was a complete nightmare all along? But I had to be okay. I was /okay/.
It has to be okay. It's my obligation to keep myself composed and prepared for another heartbreak. I had to wake myself up, and pray each night that I wouldn't cry myself to sleep once more. Please, no more.
It's unfortunate, really, for we didn't even made promises to keep. I'm not asking for another chance, for I wouldn't enjoy creating memories with you anymore. I'm plainly asking for a peace of mind; the silence. I asked myself, even begged on my own, to understand, and to let it go. To let YOU go. My frustrations. My agony. Everything has to be released. I wasn't even mad, nor vengeful. I gave you forgiveness, something you'd never ask for-- for it wasn't your intention to hurt me. It wasn't, right? I was the one who ended it, didn't I? I was the one who made you choose the other path, the path that drifted you away from me. The path that I'd soon regret creating. And I did; I still am. My love for you made me insecure. These screwed up emotions made me believe that I deserve nothing but failure and shame. I should've known that you're just temporary; someone who would involuntarily stay. I guess our love story was a failed experiment of history. An experiment that was expected to produce a disappointing result. But I had to be okay. I was /okay/.
No, don't think so lowly of yourself.
Please, don't even look at me in the eyes. I've been trying to hold these tears for quite some time now, and it'll be an embarrassment to show you my weakest phase. Knowing that even an attempted caress would melt my knees down; I'd surrender without putting up a fight. Just don't do anything that would destroy me, again. Stop. Nevertheless, I apologize. I apologize for everything I've said. I'm lost and I just wanna be found.
I'm lost and I told myself I have to be okay.
But I wasn't /okay/.
We were young and getting older each hour, and we don't even notice. We were young, still young, yet we were growing apart. I thought what we had were musical notes arranged to perfection. But no; certainly not. I was wrong for they were the jumbled words we incorrectly uttered in a song we once danced to. Our dance which I assuringly thought would never be the last.
But it was.
