Dear parents,
I think it’s time that all of us sports parents accept some truths about kids’ sports. I think if we can do this, together, we’re all going to have a lot more fun, and, most importantly, so will our kids.
These are KIDS and your screaming is ruining everyone’s experience. This is the one that gets me fired up the most. I know you’ve dumped thousands of dollars into equipment, ice fees, ump fees, costumes, uniforms, and traveling. I know you have expectations for your children. I understand you’re competitive and want to cheer your kids on to a victory. But these are KIDS. They want to have fun. They should be learning to love this game they’ve committed to playing for hours every week. They should be learning what it means to be a good teammate and how good it feels to work hard and improve. They shouldn’t be worrying about their stats or their place in the lineup or even how many games they’ve won. There is a time and place for that and I don’t believe that time and place is in elementary school.
I get it. It’s hard not to get caught up in the game. When my son was catching in a big baseball game this summer and he caught a pop fly to end the inning, you can bet I jumped out of my chair and screamed. But when we play a team and I hear things like “What was THAT?” and “That looked TERRIBLE!” and “WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?” coming out of the other team’s dugout, not only do we see the fear and crushing disappointment on those kids’ faces, but it makes every kid on our team sad and nervous and every parent cringe and roll our eyes.
I’m just going to say it: you look ridiculous. No one, except for you, is expecting perfection from these kids. My son has competed against teams where the coaches and parents are constantly yelling and berating their players. Do those kinds of teams perform well? Sure. But are the kids having any fun? Nope.
In fact, I asked a few high school coaches about that very type of coaching and parent atmosphere and what happens to kids who play on those teams at a young age. They were unanimous in saying that they see many, many kids squander away their talent because by the time they get to high school – when performance and stats really matter and the competition and the coaching get tougher – the kids are tired of it. They’re tired of getting yelled at, tired of being told all the things they did wrong instead of what they did right, and tired of having all the fun sucked out of the game.
All that yelling is turning something that should be fun into a miserable experience. I’ll say it again. You look ridiculous. Please just stop.
Look, I’m sorry but your child is probably not going to play in the MLB/NHL/NFL/NBA/etc. Your precious angel might be the most talented kid on the team right now. That’s great. But the odds are just not in your favor that he or she is going to be better than all the other best kids on all the other teams in the world. Sure, it could happen. But it’s not likely. According to the NAACP, of the eight millions kids who end up playing sports in high school, only 460,000 of them will go on to play sports in college. Of those students, the chances become even lower that they will go on to play professional sports. Specifically, 1.2 percent will be drafted into the NBA, 1.4 percent into men’s soccer, 0.9 percent into the WNBA, 8.6 percent to the MLB, 1.6 percent into the NFL, and 6.8 percent into the NHL. Those are not good odds.
I am 100 percent supportive of parents encouraging their kids to follow their dreams, work hard, and do their very best. I also recognize that some kids will thrive under pressure and competition. But pushing a child too hard, too fast, when they’re not ready for it, isn’t going to help them in the end.
These are not professional umpires or referees. Most of the umpires and referees I’ve seen at my own kids’ games are high school or college students. Occasionally, it’s an adult who has some knowledge of the game. Sometimes they’re volunteers. But no matter what, they’re not professionals. They’re going to make bad calls and screw up. Accept that, and move on. The coach will know when it’s time to argue. Let the coach do his or her job.
This is not your show. We all want our kids to have more and do better than we did. But your days of little league baseball and dance recitals are over. Do not force your child to participate in a sport just because it is a sport that you love. It’s just not fair. Let them do what makes them happy. It’s better for them and ultimately, you’ll enjoy seeing them doing something they love.
If your child wants to follow in your footsteps, great. But remember — this is not your show. Your kid might not be the best on the team and that’s okay. No one thinks you have something to prove. Believe me, no one else cares that Johnny is batting .500 just like dad did or that Susie got picked for the dance solo just like mom.
I’ll leave you with this. After Mike Matheny retired from the MLB as a player, and before he went on to manage the St. Louis Cardinals, he coached his son’s baseball team. I suggest you read the entire letter, but these are my favorite points he makes:
… I have found the biggest problem with youth sports has been the parents. … the concept that I am asking all of you to grab is that this experience is ALL about the boys. If there is anything about it that includes you, we need to make a change of plans. My main goals are as follows:
(1) to teach these young men how to play the game of baseball the right way,
(2) to be a positive impact on them as young men, and
(3) do all of this with class.
We may not win every game, but we will be the classiest coaches, players, and parents in every game we play. The boys are going to play with a respect for their teammates, opposition, and the umpires no matter what. … The thing that these boys need to hear is that you enjoyed watching them and you hope that they had fun. I know that it is going to be very hard not to coach from the stands and yell encouraging things to your son, but I am confident that this works in a negative way for their development and their enjoyment. … if you hand your child over to me to coach them, then let me do that job.
Sincerely,
A fellow hockey/baseball/dance/tennis/soccer mom.
