To the people I meet in summer,
I'm what's known as a prolific self-harmer; I have self-harmed for a long time, to a severe extent.
In the summer, when it gets hot, I might wear shorts to walk my dogs, and since it's summer, maybe I'll even wear a short-sleeved top too.
If I do, you will notice the lines of deep scars that reside on my shins and thighs. You will see the pink, shining texture of my arms, where the scarring is so severe that the scars have amalgamated into a solid section of scar tissue. You will see the scars that rise from my hands, and the ones deeply-grooved into my arms. You will see them shine red, or glint white as they form a continual pattern all along my arms, shoulders, and chest.
If you stop to talk to me, please ignore them! I am by no means secretive about my story, but when out walking my dogs, I'd prefer to stick to topics that are more appropriate for talking to strangers on the park, like how cute you think my dogs are, or how it's been too hot lately!
I may be mentally ill, but I have good hearing, and do not struggle to comprehend the English language. Feel free to speak to me as you would any other adult- you don't need to speak more loudly and slowly than usual!
And whilst we're on the topic of my adequate senses — I can see where you're staring. When you talk to me, please look at my face (or even better, my dogs!) When people stare at my scars it is as uncomfortable for me as it is for other women when people talk to their breasts instead of their faces!
I understand that my appearance is shocking, but continuing to stare at me with an expression of fear, pity or disgust, makes me feel less than human. They are only scars, and I promise you that I am absolutely no danger to anyone but myself.
If your toddlers are desperate to stroke my "polar bear" dog, then that's honestly okay ... you don't have to pull them away. I am no danger to them, and you can treat me the same as when my scars are hidden from view, as they are for three out of the four seasons.
There is a distinct change of attitude towards me when people notice my scars. I may be mentally ill, but if you see me walking my dogs this summer, I'm only out to exercise my dogs like everyone else – I am not dangerous, or someone to be feared, pitied, commented on, or openly stared at.
Like everyone else, I am only human, just with more scars than most ... please don't forget it.
