An open letter to people who won’t let go,
I consider myself a good friend and pride myself on being honest and offering unbiased advice that will hopefully have the best outcome for my friends. However over recent months I have found that several of my friends are going through elongated breakups whereby they aren’t willing to drop the remnants of their relationships (no matter how useless or past the point of recovery it is).
The issue that arises with this is that it is very difficult as a friend to give the right advice when it is the last thing they want to here. My girlfriend and I have an honest relationship and I like the idea that we wouldn’t keep things from each other…although she likes this, she does note there are definite times where honesty is not the best policy!
I understand why these friends may want to continue these seemingly finished relationships, heck for a lot of us it even comes down to the routine of being with someone and a fear of being single again. But is it really worthwhile letting yourself be unhappy when there can’t be a positive outcome at the end of it?
Perhaps this is just a guy’s perspective but it seems foolish that people will attempt to persevere or linger in a scenario where there isn’t a desire from both sides of the relationship. What gets me is that the longer people stay in a relationship for, the longer it takes them to break up. As if they’re thinking ‘I’ve given 10 years to this person and a year of it has been the slow departure from it’.
The perfect example is that I have a friend who was an old workmate, I don’t see her too regularly but I remember speaking to her at work about her boyfriend and she told me they were childhood sweethearts but that she wasn’t particularly keen anymore and was thinking of ending things. So it was to my surprise that the next time I saw her (a year and a half later) she had just had a messy split from him because she had let it get to the point where they had moved in together and he had spent a lot of time doing their house up!
I’m not saying I don’t understand being in a relationship longer than you should because you don’t want to hurt the other partner but to do it such a degree that it is making you unhappy and essentially live for someone else seems foolish and something that no one will look back on with positive feelings.
I don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings but I want what’s best for them. I want them to do what's right for both parties and I want them to be back to their best selves. Sometimes you’ve just got to be brave and bite the bullet!
An honest best friend