Dear Mumbai Police,
I hope this letter finds you in the pink of health. Hopefully, I’m not disturbing you at the moment. I’m sure there are many more hotels and pubs and parks to raid in this country but I promise this won’t take time. I know it’s solely because of you that we sleep peacefully every night at our homes. And if it weren’t for you, my daughter would have probably been pregnant by now. So firstly, Thank You so much for being around to take care of my kids who are really going out of hand these days. Thank you for slapping them when they have really crossed all limits. I mean come on — look at them.
FROM PUBS AND PARKS, THEY HAVE TAKEN TO HOTEL ROOMS NOW. THAT TOO, SHAMELESSLY — AFTER GIVING THEIR IDENTITY PROOFS AND MONEY. THEY SHOULD AT LEAST HAVE THE SHAME TO PRODUCE FAKE IDS IN FRONT OF THE HOTEL RECEPTIONIST.
Trust me, I really appreciate your sacrifice for the country. Being up all night to raid hotels to find couples performing a heinous crime needs dedication. Haven’t they heard of transparency? That is the need of the hour after all in this country. Trust me, you have more than covered up for your suspension over the liquor racket incident. The authorities will be happy.
You know what, you’re right. You were absolutely right in slapping a girl for performing a gruesome crime called ‘sex’ behind closed doors. Look at our country — People are dead in a train accident. People are dying in floods. Infiltrators have shot dead two BSF jawans. Kashmir is on the boil. The economy is sluggish. FDI isn’t happening. The Chinese are investing in Pakistan and Russians are gifting them attack helicopters. All this is happening and nobody cares. But my daughter, with so much hate in this world, should shut doors to perform an act of love. You’re right, she should be slapped.
RAPE, YOU PERFORM. BRIBE, YOU TAKE. TERRORISTS, YOU MISS. SEX RACKETS YOU CAN’T FIND. BUT MY DAUGHTER SHOULD HIDE HER FACE FOR HAVING CONSENSUAL SEX. SHE SHOULD BE SLAPPED. WHY?
Because, she should have done it right in front of you, those couples should have done it right in front of you because flashing penises in heavy traffic and grabbing boobs at public places don’t bring you humiliation do they? Because those assh*les perform these acts proudly. So my daughter MUST BE slapped for hiding her face for expressing love to her partner.
My daughter should’ve been slapped if she hid her face in that famous pub attack in Mangalore when innocent couples were beaten up for expressing their love towards each other on Valentine’s day. My daughter should’ve been slapped if she ran away in the fear that you’d get her married if she was seen with her partner in the parks of Mumbai on February 14th. And she should have definitely been slapped if you found her behind closed doors with a man loving her and not raping her AND she hid her face. If you wouldn’t slap her for being such a coward, I would. So great job I must say!
I would’ve said this to you and more had it been my daughter who was humiliated to a point where she wanted to commit suicide for no fault of hers. I would’ve said this to you in these many words had you called me. Honestly, if you find sex ‘indecent’ I’m really sorry for your wives and husbands. Poor souls can’t enjoy the single most amazing experience in the world.
SO LET ME EXPLAIN TO YOU THE MEANING OF ‘PUBLIC INDECENCY’ DEAR SAINTS — IT IS AN INAPPROPRIATE ACT PERFORMED IN PUBLIC SPACES. FOR EXAMPLE, WHEN YOU ASK FOR A BRIBE SHAMELESSLY IN PUBLIC OR WHEN YOU PAINT THE WALLS WITH URINE EACH AND EVERY DAY OF YOUR LIFE — THAT IS PUBLIC INDECENCY.
I gave my daughter the permission to live life on her terms, then who the f*ck are you to humiliate her for the most decent act in the world. You may be animals raping girls left, right and centre, my daughter will make love. With her consent. Consent, a word you’ll never understand the meaning of — I taught her well. I have also given her consent to run over you if you ever try to stop her alone at an ‘indecent’ hour at night because that’s how much I trust you.
SO LET ME TELL YOU THIS — I WILL HOLD MY BABY GIRL WHEN SHE FALLS BUT YOU, PLEASE MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
With lots of hate,
Yours truly x
