I've spent over an hour staring at this blank screen thinking of ways to start this letter off. But now that I think of it, maybe its just because I simply have nothing left to say to you. You took things from me I will never be able to get back.
Every morning I wake up from a dream with you and I just keep telling myself to close my eyes and go back to sleep. Just go back to the feeling of being wrapped in your arms.
" Did you take your medicine this morning?"
yes mom.
" How are you feeling?"
I don't know mom.
" Did you talk to-"
mom please stop you know I don't want to think about her.
Don't want to think about her.
Don't want to think about her lips
Don't want to think about her hands
Don't want to think about her scars
Don't want to think about her perfume
Don't want to think about her laugh
Don't want to think about her voice
Don't want to think about her body
Don't want to think about that night
Don't want to think about the yelling
Don't want to think about the fight
Don't want to think about those words.
" I just felt so rushed into this-"
" Its not fair. You're not being fair-"
" To negatives can not ever make a positive-"
" I just don't see us working-"
please stay.
Please don't leave me
You promised.
You promised you loved me.
" I just don't know what you want me to say-"
Please.
I love you.
Please.
---no answer--
day 2
---no answer--
day 3
I got prescribed new medicine i thought you'd like to know.
-- no answer--
.
.
.
.
.
. no. not that boy.
... * re clicks the picture**
.
.
. But. she loved me.
.
.
.
. * re clicks on picture for the second time.
.
.
. But.
.
.
.
As I lay here wondering about what you're feeling or wondering if you think of me, I suddenly come to a conclusion. I was never loved by you. I was only loved for the things I was trying to be, or more for the things I was longing to be so badly for you. And once my body had completely given up. You left. And now I'm here still. trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart.
