Open letter to the one I need closure from

Subject: Open letter to the one I need closure from
From: The girl ready to let go
Date: 21 Oct 2015

Hello, it's the last person you'd like to hear from, but it's time to let this all get out of my head and aching heart.
We spent years of friendship wanting one another when the other had no interest. You had spent 3 years interested in a relationship with me when I had no interest but we held a very good friendship.
The night you conquered up the nerve to just kiss me when we were talking in your car literally took my breathe away and from that moment on I knew I'd care about more then a friend forever but that most have been when you realized you didn't want me like that anymore.
So instead you spent the next 5 years toying with my head, every time I had come close to being completely moved on you'd pop right back into my life dragging me along just long enough to make sure I'd never let you go.
You filled my head with lies about how much you cared about me and always asked me "why do we keep coming back to each other".
Leading me on with words thinking that maybe we were suppose to be something special. You would point out the problems in my relationships so I'd realize my relationships were pointless and I'd come right back to you and it would be beautiful for a few days until you were already on to the next girl.
I let myself be the other woman and allowed you to cheat on them because you made it seem like you cared about me more but you never loved me.. All I did was destroy those girls trust in men all together and I can never fix that.
I became a horrible person to them and it wasn't fair. All because I thought you loved me and I loved you in return but the one time you said I love you to me days later you had the balls to let me know that you didn't actually mean it.

I did love you though I never lied when I said it back thinking you had meant what you said. My heart will have a small corner just meant for our memories even if they are heart breaking.
You had everyone convinced I was the crazy one but you never once told the truth about how you'd build me up with words then tear me down with your actions. All females are crazy, I can act like a straight up mental patient but at least I can admit it. Never once had I ever heard you admit you lied. One to many times in the last 6 years have you tried to play it off like I had hurt you and ruined things between us.
I doubt I ever made you feel any type of hurt, but if I did I'm sorry.
Even though you did it to me for years & I want you to hurt like you hurt me no one deserves to feel how you made me feel, ever. Even after all the pain, lies, and total chaos I would find myself missing you, craving your arms holding me. Because you did give me comfort and I could lose myself in you which completely terrified me, that I could drop everything to be in your arms.
You did make me laugh, feel complete, and happy, really happy. But none of that is worth missing after all the tears, fights, feeling worthless, useless, not good enough for months after the few days of happiness. I was just there when you were lonely, needed to make someone jealous, bored, needed to boost your ego. You never were in love with me and it hurts so much to try and and accept that but it's time I do.
It's time I finally let go, give myself closure because I know you won't give it to me. No longer will I hear a song that reminds me of us and wonder if you think the same. No longer will I miss you and wonder if you miss me. No longer will I think of our memories, I'll keep them closed to my heart. No longer will I let what your doing, who your doing, where your going bother me. I have found someone who loves me, truly loves me and wants nothing more then to give me the world and I just want to do the same for him. I love him more then I loved you because he was able to love me back, help me pick up the pieces you left behind. He has listened to me cry, held me through the heart break and knows I loved you, but still chose to help me through it and love the best and worst of me. This is goodbye, this is my closure. I forgive you for the hurt because you couldn't help it, you can't force yourself to love someone. I hope things work out for you and you get the family you want with the right girl. Thank you for everything.