Dear Nurse,
Unfortunately I don’t know your name or a comfortable way for me to deliver this to you. However, I hope that somehow you get to read this. You are an African American woman maybe in your 40s or 50s. You were working this morning at a free clinic in downtown Syracuse. You had my file and saw that it said “female” and that I am transgender. You also knew that I was a man who has slept with men. There were numerous reasons that you could be judging me. However you greeted me with a big smile and asked me how I was feeling. You asked whether I had a good holiday and seemed completely at ease. We joked a bit and it was a stress free experience for me.
No one else at your workplace has treated me like this. The receptionist for instance did not return my smile or say anything other than “Can I help you? Wait in there” and point. She also said loudly, when I asked for a bathroom key, “Yep same key for men, women, transgender, whatever.” This was really embarrassing. Other nurses have asked me rude questions and seemed anxious around me. They’ve used offensive terminology and disrespected my wishes, telling me things can’t be done my way (when I knew they could). A doctor even yelled at me once at your work place because I hadn’t made it “clear” that I was “really female.” Why was this such a big deal? Because it meant they had to switch to the pink chart instead of the blue one.
However, you didn’t ask any weird questions or in fact even mention my gender, even when the sheet was clearly in front of you. You treated me like anybody else. Furthermore, you didn’t feel the need to scold me for my decisions and kick me when I was already down. You answered my questions and put my mind at ease.
It’s hard to emphasize what a big difference people like you make for people like me. Many transgender people, including myself, are afraid to go to the doctors. We are often mistreated and even turned away because of who we are. And yet, look at these statistics: compared to the general population (0.6%), transgender men are HIV positive at a rate of 2-3%. Transgender sex workers have a rate of 15%. Men who sleep with men, 20%. Transgender women of color, 40-60%. Those of us who are most vulnerable are the ones who often receive the least understanding and guidance. When we are scared away or literally turned away from clinics, people not only harm us as individuals: they aren’t doing their job to prevent the spread of disease.
I can only imagine that your job is difficult and exhausting. I have worked in customer service and I know how disrespectful people can be. I’m sure it can be even worse working in a health clinic. Yet you still had a smile and knew how to be respectful. I’m sure you went into nursing because you wanted to help people. Today, truly you did. Thank you.
Sincerely,
A patient
