Dear Students:
You may not realize this, but our school does not have a "Create Your Own Snow Day" policy. Unless the school officially closes -- which today it did not -- your classes will meet at their normal times in their normal rooms, complete with regularly scheduled activities such as exams, presentations, collected homework, and the like.
I was dismayed to walk into class at 10:15 this morning to see that less than half of you had decided to attend. I realize that we've barely had any snow this winter so today's weather is exciting and different, and I realize that it's Friday, and I realize that most of you don't appreciate being required to take what you regard as an easy blow-off class. I get it. You look for excuses not to be there. Snow on a Friday morning seems like a good one.
Here's the thing, guys. I left home extra early this morning in order to make it to campus on time for my first class. My commute took nearly twice as long as normal. I slid into an intersection even though I was driving more slowly than many of the other vehicles on the road. I realize that today's weather conditions are less than ideal, but I managed to brave the highway to get to class.
Given my experience this morning, I'm willing to concede poor road conditions as a legitimate reason for missing class today. Oddly enough, though, the two commuter students in our class both managed to attend, just like I did. The remaining eighteen of you live in the dorms. On our small campus, even the farthest dorm is only a 5-7 minute walk from our centrally-located classroom. Was the snow really so bad that eleven of you were unable to bundle up and scurry across the quad? No. No, it was not. I managed to make the brief walk from my office building to our classroom building with no major ill effects, and you could have done the same.
The bottom line is that you guys are lazy, and now I'm pissed off. Here's an incomplete list of reasons why I'm pissed off:
1. Last night, I skipped my weekly cocktails-and-Project-Runway party with some of my professor friends in order to finish grading your first essay. I did this because you begged me to hand back papers today and I stupidly agreed. So, I missed out on drinks and I missed out on bitching about you guys in order to spend my evening grading...and then today, those of you who manipulated me into a compressed grading schedule didn't bother to show up to collect your precious Cs and Ds.
2. Based on your scores from the first paper, those of you who skipped class today would benefit from the peer review feedback you would have received if you'd bothered to attend. You screwed around during peer review last time, and it's reflected in your scores on that essay. You didn't believe me when I said that a portion of your grade would come from how extensively you revised, and you texted under your desks while I explained what "extensive revision" means, and you evidently neglected to read the grading rubric I handed out with the assignment sheet. If you'd been in class today to get your paper back, you would have realized that, oh shit, you're not an amazing writer, and oh shit, maybe you really do need help thinking of ways to improve your work, and oh shit, the professor will follow through and give you a "0" for your revision score if you don't make changes beyond spelling and punctuation.
3. With more than half of you skipping class today, you sent the message to those who attended that peer review is a worthless activity that they shouldn't bother with in the future. What your responsible classmates may not realize is that they actually did benefit from the activity, and (for the most part) they scored higher on their first papers than those of you who screwed around last time and skipped today. Why? Because they actually took the activity seriously and revised using the feedback they received.
4. Now that the snow has let up, the wind has died down, and maintenance has begun to clear the sidewalks, I've seen you out and about. My office has a window, and it looks down on the quad. I've seen you venturing into buildings for your afternoon classes, I've seen you ambling toward the cafeteria, I've seen you taking smoke breaks, and I've seen you pulling out of the parking lot. The snow seems to have been the only thing keeping you out of my class today, and as previously discussed, the snow was not really a legitimate issue for you dorm dwellers.
When you come whining to me about your low grades, I will have no sympathy for you. When you realize that you need feedback in order to get a higher grade on this second essay than you did on the first one, I will not go out of my way to find a time to meet with you. When you beg your hard-working classmates for an impromptu peer review, I hope they tell you where to stick it.
As I said...you've pissed me off. Grow up. You're not high schoolers any more --you're college students. You're always whining about how the school doesn't treat you like adults because of all of its silly rules and policies. Well, here's a thought. Maybe the school would treat you like adults if you acted like adults...
Sincerely,
Professor Mitch
