If you’re an actual friend and just a friend, with zero thoughts otherwise, then this isn’t intended for you…
If you’re not sure, then you may be a ‘friend’ that finds yourself attracted to him and occasionally (or outright) flirtatious and have thought about being more than friends whether for just a night or any length of time… or maybe you’re just really competitive and there’s something about the thrill of winning over another woman’s man that gives you an ego boost. Only you know your intentions, but if they’re anything other than simple, platonic friendship, I’m talking to you.
I would never try to stop my husband from having female friends. I wouldn’t stop myself from having male friends... it’s natural and healthy to have diverse friendships. But there are some that are a threat to the sanctity of marriage… whether intentional or not. If you’re the kind of friend that encourages him to say or do things - or puts him in situations - that a wife might be uncomfortable with, you might want to rethink your definition of friendship. He chose me, for better or worse, because he loves me and the life we’ve created. But men are simple creatures with simple needs at times… and that isn’t meant to be degrading, just a basic reality. Life happens and there are times when we may struggle at home as anyone in a long term relationship will experience. And sometimes loyalty and commitment are put to the test and at risk for short term reward or pleasure.
It’s easy to be ‘the other woman’ or the ‘fun girl friend’ when you have no tie to his daily home life. You don’t have to wash his dirty underwear, clean his dirty dishes, pick up after him or look for the source of the smell coming from his side of the closet.
If you ever find yourself coming on to him or simply taking advantage of his generous personality, charm or sex appeal, even if just to give yourself an ego boost… you could ultimately be hurting him. I trust my husband to know better than to put himself in questionable situations with other women. But I’m also a realist and I know everyone is capable of making mistakes. And trust me, if he happened to find himself momentarily weak, succumbing to a natural human urge and it happened to be with another woman, he would quickly realize it was his biggest mistake. I may not find out immediately, but I would find out. It would eat away at him and your ‘friend’ would soon become fraught with anxiety and guilt. And when I find out and we have to make what feels like impossible decisions about whether we stay together and try to rebuild that trust or separate and figure out how to split up the life we built together - our children, pets, home, money, keepsakes, belongings… everything that stands for our years of love, sacrifice, heartache, tears of joy and tears of pain... you’ll be quickly forgotten, if not a memory that only causes him pain, anger and disappointment.
Nothing positive can come from your seemingly innocent flirtation and come-ons. So if you continue and somehow catch him in a moment of weakness, you’re not just hurting me, you’re hurting him.
